Want Versus Really Want

Today I learned the difference between what I want and what I "really want". Mind you, I thought I already understood this, but today something happened that put a new spin on things.

Today I got ready to go work out at the gym and climbed on the scale before putting on my running shoes....to my horror, the number had climbed back up to a place I thought I had left behind. I have been working out everyday but still the scale is STUCK. The entire time I was working out, I kept thinking about that stupid number. It was mocking me with every sweaty step that I took....so I had to give myself a good talking to.

Maybe you don't talk to yourself, but there are times when I find that the only person I will listen to is me. Maybe it's because I don't pull any punches when I talk to myself...I just tell it like it is. (Please don't call the funny farm on me....this will make sense, I promise.)

I had to ask myself what was it that I really wanted. I had to remind myself WHY I was going to the gym and pushing myself....it wasn't for some number on the scale but so that I could be healthy enough to enjoy life. I run so that I can later play with my children...and hopefully their children one day. I exercise because I of what I really want...that's where the random thought came in.

You see, I WANT to lose weight...and since everything that I am doing isn't getting me to that goal, it doesn't make sense to keep trying. I could pitch myself a two year old fit and just quit. It's not getting me what I want, so why do it? The answer is simple...I'm not doing it because it gets me what I want; I'm doing it because it gets me what I "really want" and need, and that is far more important.

What I WANT is to be thin...what I "really want" is to be healthy. What I WANT is chocolate and potato chips...what my body "really wants" is fresh fruit and vegetables. What I WANT is to be 15 years younger again...what I "really want" is to learn to love and appreciate the person I am right now. I can be easily tricked into thinking that what I crave is what I want...maybe that's because my two year old self screams out what it "wants" so loudly it's all I seem to hear. Fortunately, the "non two year old" me is a little more reasonable and works toward what I "really want".

For example, there are things that I do because what I "really want" is to be healthy. I recently started taking an Omega 3 supplement because I know it is good for me. Trust me, this is NOT something I want to do...to begin with, whoever thought that adding strawberry flavored coating to the pill would help was crazy. Imagine eating strawberries dipped in tuna fish oil. Still, I take them because I know they are good for me...(plus the sooner I finish off this bottle, the sooner I can get some that don't taste so bad.)

The funny thing is, after a while of doing what I need to do to achieve the "really wants", I find that I WANT to do it as well. For example, after eating good foods for a while, I find that my body actually craves them more than chocolate. (I'm as shocked as you are.) Once I get my body used to exercising on a regular basis, I find that I actually miss lacing up my shoes and hitting the roads for a run. (I'm not sure I will ever "really want" to take those strawberry fish pills however.)

So as I drove down the road, still soaking wet from sweat from my workout, I reminded myself that while I may WANT a lot of things, it's the "really wants" in life that deserve my attention and determine my destiny. This is not something that I will be able to do on my own. I empathize with the writer of Romans:

Romans 7 (Message translation): I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

"Want" versus "Really Want"....the battle has begun.

Hundreds of fat burning promises

There are hundreds of fat-burning products on the market today. There's "Grassy Tea", "Slim-in-a-hurry", "Mega-life", "Stacked up", "Zan-away your weight", (all names changed to protect ME!) There are pills, patches, liquids, and powders. All promise a quick fix to your weight loss problem and I have to admit, they all sound good. After all, who wouldn't like to "lose weight while you sleep"? We'd all be taking two or three naps a day and waking up looking like a super-model! Many of us have fallen for these promises only to find that few of these "fat-burners" actually work and worse, some are down-right dangerous! And, in all these products there seems to be one element lacking (I mean other than the fact that they don't work for most people.) None of these products build muscle. The only way I know to do that is to get out there and move....yes, you actually have to exercise in order to "burn fat" and at the same time build much needed muscle.

This morning as I forced myself to take my morning run, I passed an empty box for one of those weight loss products. I had to shake my head at all the times I'd fallen for the same empty promises until I finally began to realize that this was a battle I could fight better "on my feet". Still, it's human nature to want life to be easy. We want to follow some simple formula and never have to face a single difficulty or trial. We forget that it is resistance that builds muscle, both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Without that resistance, we never build any real spiritual muscle, and without muscle, we really can't accomplish all that God has for us to do. It's sort of like those weight loss products that say they make things easy, but easy isn't what helps us get healthy and strong...it is pushing against that which resists that makes us stronger. (I know that every time I push my resistant self out the door for a run, I get a little stronger!)

There is another parallel. In exercise, you don't start out running marathons or swimming the English Channel. You start small...walking each day or actually getting into the pool. Spiritually, we face many small obstacles that ultimately build us up to the point we can deal with bigger ones. Remember David? He fought a lion and a bear before he ever faced Goliath. The "battles" we face aren't just random events. Each one strengthens us in some way, preparing us to do more. The good news is, God knows the battles you will face and He prepares you for every one if you will allow Him to.

I had a good friend once who told me something so wise, I put it on my refrigerator! He said, "I find that we don't often choose our battles, but that they are chosen for us...and if they are chosen for us, then God has made a way for us to win." I don't know about you, but to me this is VERY good news. There have been times when I wasn't too sure about whether God knew what He was doing in the battles I faced. I was sure he'd made a mistake this time and I couldn't handle what I was facing. But with each battle, I learned my limits and in the process also learned of His limitless love. With each battle I grew stronger. Even in the battles I felt I had lost, I grew in compassion, love, patience, and most of all, trust.

1 Cor. 10:13 (Message translation): "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."

Now there is a promise you can "run" with...or even take a nap on.

What are you hanging on to?

I admit it...I love shows about cleaning, organizing, and general makeovers. My favorite is Clean Sweep, but more often I catch episodes of Clean House. Whichever the premise is the same. Come in, help people remove the junk, redecorate and organize and leave with everyone feeling happy...well, almost everyone. Sometimes they actually find people who just can't part with their clutter.

This past week, I watched an episode about "The Messiest Home". There were actually quite a few candidates for this...I probably could have been one, but that's for another blog. Anyway, the home that was ultimately chosen for this "makeover" looked so very normal on the outside. It had pretty plants hanging at the entrance, and a yard that looked taken care of. It would make one wonder why this home was chosen...until you walked in the door that is.

Now, I know lots of people who have a "junk room" in their home, but this was way beyond that. By the time they finished clearing out the stuff for the yard sale, they were able to almost fill a 7,000 foot store with STUFF! Then, thousands of people flocked to this yard sale in hopes of finding a treasure. Amazing.

What really set this episode apart from the rest, however, was the homeowners. Throughout the process, they seemed to be in denial that they had a problem. In their eyes, it was just stuff that had accumulated over 30 years. Now, maybe I shouldn't say anything. When we moved into our home, we left a house that had only 4 small closets into one with 10 closets plus storage cabinets. My husband told me we'd never be able to move again because after seeing what I had stuffed into 4 closets, he didn't want to even think about what I might fit into 10! Still, this family made my clutter look clean!

It was easy to see the problem...at least it was easy for others to see. These homeowners were holding onto stuff that in anyone else's eyes would be considered JUNK. What is crazy is that they were being offered a fresh, clean, organized new start...but they didn't want to let go of what they had. It was almost as though they preferred the junk.

I got the mental picture of myself doing this very thing with God. I wondered how many times I looked fine on the outside but inside I have hidden in the dark corners of myself, clutching some piece of junk or rubbish that I refused to let go of. I was being offered hope and freshness and a chance to begin again, but I wouldn't let go of that piece of trash I was holding on to. For those who have seen The Lord of the Rings, picture Gollum and his "precious"...only "precious" is nothing more than a piece of garbage. I know that's a pretty strong word picture, but somehow it seems to fit.

Back to our show. In some of the homes, the renovation crew actually unearths rats' nests. It is not a pleasant process, but in order to "clean house", sometimes you have to get rid of some really nasty junk. I once heard a pastor say that when God picks up the rocks in our lives and shows us what lies underneath, it's not so He can condemn us, but so that He can help us get rid of it. He wants so much more for us, but first some of the garbage has to go.

One of the things you can almost always see in an episode is the homeowner changing their mind during the yard sale. They see something they "just can't give up" and they try to sneak it back into the house. I wonder how many times I do this with God as well. In the process of God showing me just how yucky something is, instead of allowing Him to completely clean my life, I reach out and "take it back". Don't ask me why anyone would want to hold onto garbage, but we all do it. It's as if we don't trust Him to make it better...or maybe our "garbage" is sentimental and we just can't part with it no matter how gross it might be.

In the end, these shows reveal beautiful new homes, free of clutter and stuff that isn't really needed. The homeowners almost always say it's like a weight has been lifted. They feel truly free.

Today's blog ends with one of my most favorite verses that is also my prayer. Psalm 51:10: "Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Sounds like having a "clean house" to me.

Cure for the blues

Have you ever had one of those days? You wake up, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and as you look out at this beautiful scene and all you can think is "Shut up you stupid bird!" Yep, you're having a bad day. There is no real reason for it. There's nothing wrong...it's just that something isn't quite right. Some people call it the blues, some attribute it to hormones, me....I just realize this is not my day.

I have learned over the years some things NOT to do on this day. Don't expect a good hair day...there is no way my hair is going to cooperate with me so just realize this and grab a baseball cap. Do not get a haircut on these days....it will not make me feel better, it will only make me feel older, less attractive, etc. Do not make any major decisions on these days - I'm a grump and none of my options look good....not even the great ones. Do not spend too much time watching the news....it will not be filled with encouraging news bites. Do not shop for groceries...contrary to my feelings on this day, chocolate is not a vegetable, ice cream isn't the best choice in dairy, and potato chips, although they are thin, will make me look more like the potato they came from...lumpy and round.

I've learned I need to be careful who I am around on these days. Moods are contagious and I don't really want to "infect" anyone with my grumbling and complaining. If I have friends whose "spiritual immune system" is strong, they can help me turn the day around. If I get around those who are weak, I may inadvertently cause them more problems...and that's not what I want to do.

I've also learned not to trust my feelings on days like this. They lie. They will tell me my friends do not love me, my spouse is less than the best, my children are ungrateful little brats and I am a perfect failure at life. (Come on, no one can be a PERFECT at anything.) This is definitely NOT a day to listen to my feelings.

Instead, I've learned to listen to and speak what I DO know is true and never failing...God's word.

Psalms 42 (Message translation) : "Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God. When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar. Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me. Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God's prayer. Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?" They're out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, Taunting day after day, "Where is this God of yours?" Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God."

Yep, there is definitely a cure for the blues....keep rehearsing what you know is true. Say it out loud. Say what God says about you and the day, not what your lying, cheating feelings might tell you. Sing it if you have to! Make the decision, "This is the day the Lord has made...I WILL rejoice and be glad in it." Come what may...let's make this a better day!

The couch that ate my phone....

I'm beginning to think this is the week of having to find lost items. First it was that pesky onion that was smelling up the kitchen. This time, I had to find my phone. I knew it was here somewhere, but I couldn't seem to find it. I could hear that occasional "beep" that let me know I either had a message or my battery was low. I could hear it...but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't SEE it.

Finally, I got my son's phone and called my number. I could hear ringing coming from inside the couch! At first I was relieved...all I had to do was lift the cushions and retrieve my phone, at least that's all I thought I'd have to do. I lifted the cushions and absolutely nothing was there. I called again, and this time I could hear the ringing coming from deep inside the couch. My phone had somehow slipped INTO the couch.

I searched and searched for some small opening that would allow me to reach my phone, but there was none to be found. To make a long story short, after about an hour of digging through crumbs and hair barrettes and practically deconstructing one end of the couch, I found my phone! That's not all, I found my daughter's phone too....the one she lost two years ago. Yes, I did say two years ago.

I remember the night she lost that phone. We had gone to a big concert at the "Cow Palace" here in town and that was the last we remember seeing it. I thought she'd dropped it on the way back to the van that night. We got a refurbished one to replace her phone, but it definitely wasn't the same. She was so discouraged when she lost that phone and so excited when I found it today! It was like Christmas all over again.

I have to wonder how many other things I have lost that are right there, under our noses...or our rear ends as the case may be. What things in my life are "missing" that I don't even know are gone? This whole incident has gotten one of those songs stuck in my head too: "...You don't know what you've got till it's gone. They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot." The thing is, I knew it was gone, and I'd long ago given up on ever finding that phone. After a while, I just gave up and forgot about it.

I'm really glad God isn't as "forgetful" as me. He never gives up on us. He never leaves us or forsakes us...or loses us. He knows right where we are. He knows the plans he has for us. Even though we may feel like we're lost in the proverbial couch cushions of life, He hasn't forgotten us. "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." That's good news for those who sometimes feel like the world has passed them by...or worse, sat on their dreams. Those dreams aren't lost forever....they're just hidden away, waiting to be rediscovered.

The good news is that the phone is working fine now...my daughter is extremely happy, my son got her other phone so he's happy, and me...well, I'm on my way to work on that couch. Who knows what treasures I might find.

The problem with those magic beans...

Okay, I've about had it. I'm tired of battling this weight issue. I want to live in a fantasy world where I can eat chocolate and ice cream and chips and still be thin and athletic and beautiful. I'm ready for some magic pill that will allow me to make foolish choices and yet still come out smelling like a rose....I'm ready for something like Jack and the Beanstalk where I can just toss some magic beans out the window and suddenly all my problems would be solved. What I forget is that with the magic beans, came a giant....and that's my real problem. I want the treasure but I don't want to face the giant.

This problem isn't new...stories of giants have been around for centuries, and they almost always stand between you and a promise. I read where the original word for giant in Hebrew meant "fearful ones" or "ones who bring discouragement". Every time I step on the scale or try to fit into my jeans, I face one big ugly giant.

So how does one battle a "giant"? If this were a fairy tale, I would grab up the goose that laid the golden chocolate and steal the magic harp that made me young again. The giant would be easily fooled and I would escape into the clouds, chop down the giant's access into my world and live happily ever after. That sounds good, but life isn't a fairy tale. This isn't some battle I will win simply because I am the hero.

True heroes of old didn't run from their giants, they faced them. David recognized Goliath for what he was...a liar who dared to challenge the truth of God. Joshua took courage and faced the discouragement and opposition to God's plan by holding fast to the promises of God. Both men (one young, and one old) faced their giants and prepared to do battle.

In Ephesians 6 (Message translation), you can find the weapons for battling the giants: (13-18) Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Yes, there is a problem with the magic beans....they don't exist and even if they did, they would not prepare me for the giants that really stand between me and my "treasure." Sometimes you just have to turn and face the giants of discouragement and doubt and refuse to back down.

Drawing a blank...

This was what I was afraid of. I was afraid I would invite people to read my blog and then draw a blank...not a thought in my head. As I sat there, that was all that came to mind...I'm drawing a blank.

Actually, drawing a blank isn't all that unusual for me. I do it quite often, usually at the most inopportune times. Once on vacation this sweet lady came off the stage with the microphone and asked me for the names of those sitting with me. These people were my family...and I almost forgot their names! I could feel myself reaching into the dark recesses of my mind and grabbing nothing but thin air. It happened again when an interviewer from the local paper sat down to ask me questions. He asked, "If you could go anywhere and do anything and money was no object, where would you go?" There is was again...blank. Couldn't think of a thing! Now maybe that was because I'm so happy here doing what I am doing, but at that moment, I couldn't even think of that! Of course later I thought of all the things I "should have said", but for that moment, I just drew a blank.

Drawing a blank....the thought brings to mind those blanks on a test where you are required to fill in the correct answer...no multiple choices, no helpful hints...just fill in the answer or get it wrong. When you first look at that page full of blanks....your heart skips a beat and you hope that this time you will remember the words.

I guess the only time we would ever think of drawing a blank as a welcome thing might be if someone handed us a blank check and told us to fill in the amount with whatever we needed. Wow...wouldn't that be awesome! To know that no matter what amount we filled in, it would be covered. That thought reminded me of a story found in the 10th chapter of the book of Luke. Most of us know it as the parable of the good Samaritan. I'll pick it up in the middle of the story: "A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I'll pay you on my way back.' " The Samaritan wrote a "blank check" of sorts. He provided for the man's needs.

There are many instances of provision in the Bible....a sort of blank check to provide for needs. For example, in the Old Testament, the children of Israel were provided with manna while in the desert. They found plenty for each day....they could not gather extra and store it except for the Sabbath. Each day was provided for as it came. In addition, their shoes and clothes never wore out; (okay, so those of us who love to shop might not like that one too much.) In Lamentations, it says: "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up.They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!" Philippians 4:19 puts it this way: "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Notice it says NEEDS. It's funny what we think of as a need now days. My son was on his way to camp and as we headed out, he told me he "needed" new headphones...only one side of his worked. It's funny how insistent he was....that is until I told him he'd need to pay for them out of his own money....then all of a sudden, the old ones would do just fine. He didn't really "need" new ones anymore.

We all have an idea of what we need. In South Mississippi, it's reasonable to think we "need" air conditioning...but people lived here for hundreds of years without so much as a fan...so I guess that falls under the category of want. I "need" my computer...but I did without it for most of my life and somehow survived. I think I "need" a cup of coffee....okay, so maybe that one I do need. But seriously, what do I really "need"? Wisdom to face each day and its challenges? Done. Mercy for the many times I fail? Done. Strength to deal with "L.I.F.E - Living In a Fallen Environment"? Done. Joy, hope, faith? Done. Our Father God has written the "check" and signed His name to cover the needs of today.

Gee, I guess sometimes "drawing a blank" isn't so bad after all. Have a great day knowing that no matter what you face today....He's got it covered.