Saturday, May 13, 2017

Mother's Day for those who don't really like the day...

I originally wrote this five years ago. While I've gotten more comfortable with the day, I really can't say I look forward to it. This is for all those who, like me, don't really like Mother's Day.

I have a confession to make - I don't like Mother's Day.

Don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE being a mother, I just have always hated this day. (Yes, I know I'm not supposed to "hate" anything, but the feeling I have for this day is pretty darn close!) Mother's Day for me seems to always be filled with regrets and should-have-beens.

My own mother has been gone for quite a few years now, and in the weeks leading up to Mother's Day I am constantly reminded of how I did not honor her in the way she deserved. I could make a lot of excuses, but I guess it really boils down to I just didn't understand. I had no clue as to what she really wanted or needed as a be noticed and told thank you.

I also never really appreciated who she was. I have always taken a bit of pride that I was "just like my daddy" and never really understood how to appreciate how opposite my own mom was. Her strengths were very different from his and at the time I just didn't see it. Honestly, I still don't understand her but at least now I can understand that different isn't necessarily wrong.

Mother's Day reminds me of all the last minute gifts I gave her due to obligation or guilt. It reminds me of how I never really did enough. 

Mother's Day also is a slap in the face when it comes to my own children. For years this day was so difficult because I had no children, and now that I do have them...well, it's still tough. I look at my growing children and realized I am so blessed to be allowed to be their mom and so unworthy. They really do deserve better. I am not fishing for compliments here, just expressing what I think a lot of moms feel sometimes. I have blown it so many times....Why is it so difficult to remember anything I did RIGHT but so easy to remember all the times I absolutely did it wrong?

Mother's Day is the day when all the wonderful things are said about "Mom's" and gifts are given and (hopefully) lunch is served - and cleaned up after - by someone other than her. But if you are a mom, I wonder if you, like me, hear all the words and feel woefully inadequate. I am not that Proverbs 31 woman. I am not the mom who cooks the wonderful meals that one day my son will compare his own wife's cooking to. I am not crafty or good at cleaning or in a thousand other things. I simply am not....

But I am thankful. Thankful for my own mom who, bless her heart, believed in me far more than I believed in myself. Who loved me despite my lack of "display" on Mother's Day. Who, even now, probably looks down from heaven and understands that I don't make the 3 hours trip to her graveside to  give her a Mother's Day bouquet because I'll be spending the afternoon with my own daughter trying desperately to find a dress for graduation and make last minute prep for the next step of her journey.

I am thankful - that God in His infinite mercy and grace allowed me to parent two beautiful children that are both so like, and so different, from me. I am thankful when I fail, and I do that a lot, He has already made a way because He loves them so much more than even me. I am still amazed that God allowed me to play even a small part in raising His precious babies, even though He knew just how often I would mess things up.

I really just don't like Mother's Day. It's a made-up holiday to get us to do what we should be doing all year long - thanking God for giving us the family He did - no matter how messed up I think they may be.... Now that I'm older with kids of my own, I can truly say, "Thank you, Mama." I think I'm starting to understand. I guess your grandkids took up where you left off in raising me and teaching me what life is all about.

With apologies to all the women like me who look at this verse and only feel more inadequate, I'm adding Proverbs 31. The good news is - God sees us as we are and loves us anyway....and so do our kids.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (Msg) 
A good woman is hard to find,
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
   The woman to be admired and praised
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-
Give her everything she deserves!
   Festoon her life with praises!