What's in a name?

This is kind of part two to my last blog, but I stumbled on it while I was studying for my lesson for Children's church. 

Our lesson was on Luke 5:17-26, the story of the men who brought the lame friend to Jesus. But that's not what caught my attention. It was the "heading" above the next section, "Jesus calls Levi and eats with sinners."

Most of my readers already know my son's name is Levi, and the remarkable way he got his name. What many don't know, and honestly I had forgotten, was something else that makes his name a gift from God.

Quick background for those who don't know. Years before we adopted Samantha and Levi, we'd adopted a baby boy and named him Matthew, gift of God. After over seven months, the adoption fell through and Matthew went back to his birth mother...and our lives changed forever. It was a time when I questioned God and His love for me. I literally shook my fist at God at one point and said, "if this is who You are, I choose not to serve You." Yeah, I know. I should have been struck dead at that point, but as I've often mentioned, God loves despite our stupidity and rebellious nature. Instead of striking me dead, He poured out His love and showed me that I had no clue Who He is, or how much He loves me. (Kind of felt like Job at this point, with God asking him was he around when the world was created?)

Anyway, fast forward a lot of years. God had not only blessed us with a beautiful baby girl but now with a baby boy that we named Levi. We didn't know that Levi meant "unity" when we chose that name, but he really has lived up to his name. He brings people together wherever he goes! He carries the name of my grandfather, even though I had no idea of that when we named him. It was a name that "fit".

Then, one day at church, a friend said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said something about how cool it was about Levi's name. I thought he meant any one of the many stories I've already shared, but then he said, "you know, Matthew...Levi." That's when, for the first time, I realized that in the Bible, Matthew and Levi were one and the same. 

God had truly brought us full circle from losing Matthew, to finding Levi. 

That brings me back to the section in Luke that I stumbled on while studying. Luke 5:27-28,
"After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. “Follow me,” Jesus said to him, 28 and Levi got up, left everything and followed him." There it was...a promise and a reassurance that God has it all under control. 

Even though my son sometimes acts like, well, a typical son, God's not finished with him yet. The call over his life may not be clear to him yet, but it's still there. I just need to let go and trust that. 

For those who wonder if my son will read this - are you kidding? Of course, he won't! I'm sharing because I know the things I go through are not that unique. Somewhere out there is another mom who is looking at her grown-up baby and wondering what happened. When did they quit believing we'd hung the moon and could fix any problem? When did they decide that we actually didn't know anything? Will they ever look at us the same again? Well, no...probably not. But we can trust God's Word when it says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 Even the knuckleheads...

Take heart fellow moms. What's in a name? A whole lot, especially when it's called by Jesus.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

When God won't back you up...

I know, I know. God is always there for me. I have no doubt about that; however, sometimes God just won't back me up!

This week has been a hodgepodge of ups and downs...mostly ups. I was feeling pretty good about life in general! Then I went to see my son four hours away and got a less than excited reception. He was in a mood and as usual, since I'm a safe place to vent, I caught the storm cloud. I'd love to say I was a mature person and just let it slide, but to be honest, I was hurt. I guess I was looking for one of those made for movie welcomes where the son gets tearful and hugs his mom like he's actually glad to see her. Instead, my son was asleep and when I woke him, it was like he'd forgotten he'd asked me to come. I was there to help with some paperwork that couldn't be done over the phone. Anyway - the particulars aren't what this blog is about. 

I left from my visit hurt. I had planned on taking him out to lunch but after my reception and the subsequent trip to the college, I decided to just sign the papers and make the four-hour drive home. He could figure out lunch on his own. 

This morning, I decided to look up verses on what to do when someone you love hurts you. 

Matthew 5:44-47
“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

Well, that wasn't what I was looking for. I mean, after all - my son isn't exactly my enemy! Try again.

Romans 12:1-2
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

God, you are not backing me up, here!

Luke 6:27
“To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. 
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Come on, God! You're not playing fair! He's my child and yet he acts like I'm his enemy! You don't understand...oh, wait. I guess You do understand.

How many times have I gotten angry at God for my own failures? How many times have I blamed Him for the way life was treating me, (when actually, I had pretty much been found sleeping when I should have been up and about His business?) How many times have I gotten mad because MY plans weren't playing out the way I thought they should? How many times have I responded to His gifts by looking at what others have and practicing envy instead of gratitude?

Yet never once has He turned His back on me. Never once has He washed His hands and said, "Enough!" I can always come back as a His child, knowing that my Father loves me and will care for all my needs.

It's hard to admit that a child acts like, well, a child sometimes. It's hard to watch as they do things that hurt themselves and those around them. It's hard to take the brunt of their frustrations - but parents often do, (no matter what age their child happens to be.) Why? Because no matter what, that parent will love. That's what God did for us. 

I guess I should have taken my son out to lunch after all.

Photo by Atlas Green on Unsplash

Who I am...

I haven't written in a LONG time - mostly because I figure I have nothing to say of any weight. Today, however, I read an article that caused the random thoughts to start turning. It was an article about famous people who "came out of the closet." No, this isn't going to be a blog about that - but something a lot of them said struck a nerve. In the article, a lot of them said they had been spending time discovering "who they are." That of course, started me thinking about all the DNA/ancestry sites that are springing up so that people can discover "who they are." From this, comes today's random thoughts.

Now, I've seen all the commercials and thought that I'd like to know my ancestry. It sounds so cool to know where you're from! The father's day commercials made me want to buy a kit for my husband. Since both of my children are adopted, I've thought about purchasing a kit for them. My son's should REALLY be interesting - he's such a delightful mix of nationalities. But that's where it stops, with a thought. For one, I'm cheap and for two, I don't really trust the accuracy of these test, and for three, I'm not sure I want to share EVERYTHING with some company I don't know. But there's a greater reason. I already know who I am, and who they are. Each of us is a child of God.

My "past" is probably interesting, but it's just that - past. Maybe I'll discover I have a hero in my past - I can't claim anything from that. I didn't do it. Maybe I'll have a villain - again, not me.  Maybe I'll find out some pertinent medical history - but I am just too old to care. Besides, God tells me that "by His stripes" I am healed. That's medical history enough for me. 

As for discovering "who I am," - why? I'm but a blip on the screen of life, here today and gone tomorrow. I'm more concerned about discovering what God says about me and what He has for me to do while I'm here. There is value in understanding the past, but I cannot change it. All I have at my fingertips is today. What will I do with this day?

As for those trying to discover "who they are," I'm afraid many are looking in the wrong places. People will delight in telling you who you are, but very few have your best interest at heart. Their opinion changes according to how they feel about who THEY are! Nope, there's only One who is unchanging and that I trust to help me discover who I am and that is the one who made me. 

Perhaps you don't believe in the Creator (which makes me wonder how you stumbled across my blog since that's all I write about!) In any case, if you've read this far I'm going to add in a few verses about who God says we are. 

Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

1 Peter 2:9-10 (MSG)
9-10 But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.

1 John 3:1-2 (NIV)

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Ephesians 1:4 (MSG)

Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. 

And this one is my favorite!

Colossians 2:8-10

Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that’s not the way of Christ. Everything of God gets expressed in him, so you can see and hear him clearly. You don’t need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything.

I could probably spend all day adding verses, but you get the idea. (You can even do a search on your own about all that God has to say about who you are!) The point is, it's not our past that tells us who we are - either distant past of ancestors or recent past of our own mistakes. It is in who God says we are that we will find our peace. 

I'm thankful for all who have gone before me. I am proud to be called the daughter of Howell and Victoria, but now it's up to me. What will I do with the time I have here? I am Donna, just Donna; and my past does not determine my future in Christ. No one will look back and say, "Wow, my ancestor was Donna!" That won't matter, but each day I spend encouraging others and pointing them to Christ, THAT will make a difference. 

I know I love and accept my own children for who they are, even when they make me crazy! If I, being a flawed human can love them, how much more can my heavenly Father love me? So who am I? Perhaps a better question would be "WHOSE am I?" Just a child of the King who is loved for who I am, faults and all. And that is enough.