I am a bad Christian...

I wonder how many people read the title of this and wondered what I have done that I shouldn't have done. Actually, this is a thought that came to mind this past Sunday as I was getting ready for church. 

First of all, I'd sat sipping my coffee too long and I was going to be late to church. I knew I could sit at home in my pj's and watch online, but I decided I really needed to go in person so I could listen to the message undistracted. (Online is fine when I can't make it, but I'm far to ADD to pay attention to the screen most days.) As I was hurriedly getting dressed, I thought about the fact that I was going to miss most of praise and worship - what a "bad Christian" I was being. That, of course, set my ping pong brain onto another course of my bad Christian self. I started thinking about my neighbor's visiting parents and how I had not invited them over for a meal. (Let's be honest - I never invite anyone over for a meal, but that's beside the point!) See, I have this weird thing about my house never being "enough" to invite others in. It's never clean enough, nice enough, whatever enough. I know, it's not about the house - in my head. But it's very difficult to budge a mindset that has developed over the past 59 years. I can't even offer good food because I hate to cook. That is not an overstatement...I truly hate to cook. (Maybe that's why my food doesn't taste very good!) And in my mind, "good Christians" have the gift of hospitality and can cook like some of my precious friends. They love to get together for meals and to go out to "fellowship", but honestly, I don't enjoy doing that. My goodness, my bad Christian self is really showing its ugly head!

Don't get me wrong, I love people! I love to visit at the mailbox, chat in the store, laugh together at work, sit together at games...those are my "living rooms" where I feel most comfortable. Put me in a crowd of strangers and I promise you I'll leave with interesting life stories and new "friends". I am a strange combination of introvert and extrovert in the same body. But that's not the definition of a "good Christian". 

I'm not a "good Christian" in other ways either. I don't stop and talk to every homeless person (though I do stop at times.) I don't support multiple ministries on a regular basis (though I do support some.) I don't live a life of minimalism in order to sponsor missions or give all I have to the poor, (though I do try to sponsor missions and give...) There's just a lot of things that "good Christians" do that I don't. I guess I could be called one of those hypocrites that so many people cite as the reason they don't go to church. I really am sorry for that. 

But as I said - these thoughts were running through my head as I was getting ready for church (my mind works VERY quickly!) Over and over, I thought of ways I was not a "good Christian." 

I was late, yet when I arrived at church, there was time for one more song and the words answered every question I had about not being a "good Christian." The words were "You are good, good, You're never gonna let me down...Worthy of every song we could ever sing...we live for you! Holy, there is no one like You, fill me with your heart and lead me in Your love to those around me." (Okay, maybe it was two songs.) Are you spotting the answer yet?

Then we had a guest speaker that surprisingly I don't think I've ever heard before. (I think I've been upstairs with the kids every time he's visited.) He spoke about the power of testimony - your story. He said that a testimony is the Word of God being illustrated in someone's life and it should be shared because someone needs to hear it. It lets them know that if God did something for you, that He'll do it for them too! At one point he told of a young woman who was newly saved that listened to God and reached out to him...she had no idea he had planned to take his life that day, but God did. Instead of taking his own life, he gave it to the Lord and found life he had never known. Isn't that just like God? 

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that young girl hadn't had time to become a "good Christian" yet. She was a baby herself! But God used her.

That's the whole point. It's not about whether or not I'm good - He is. If I could brag on God because of the good things I have done, then it's not really God I'm bragging on. Instead, I testify of how much He loves me in spite of me! He is good, good, and He's never gonna let me down. I am a bad Christian...but I am loved by a good, good God. That is news worth sharing no matter where your "living room" is at. 

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

I could never be...

My son and daughter are in college and at the point of deciding what they want to do with the rest of their lives. My daughter is looking for her passion, and my son is looking for a career that makes MONEY! The rest of their lives lies before them, and they are looking at all the paths, trying to figure out which road to travel.

I remember those days. I also remember saying that the one thing I could never be was a teacher. Pretty sure those were my words when I was deciding on a career. Actually, it was more like "I will NEVER be a teacher!" Famous last words. Now, I am not only a teacher, but I love what I do!

When I was younger, I was certain I was called to preach, despite the fact that in my denomination women weren't allowed to preach. I figured it meant I'd become a missionary or something. But teaching - that was something I was certain I would not do. By college, I'd fallen into picking a career I thought would use my talents and provide an income - advertising. (Honestly, I do still use what I learned in advertising. I am constantly convincing my students they want something they have no interest in - education.)

The idea that I am trying to get at is that at some point I quit looking for what I thought I'd do and started looking at what God had planned. Slowly I started to trust that God would open the right doors for me to walk through, I just needed to listen as I walked along. I also learned that what I dreamed of doing as a child and what I am now doing weren't all that different.

I am kind of a missionary. My mission field is in middle schools, one of the most frightening mission fields on earth! Of course, I'm kidding, but still, it is a mission field. While I don't "preach" per say, I do have a group that I guide and mentor each year as they navigate the treacherous path of puberty. All this and I still get to enjoy all the comforts of home! 

Maybe we need to stop looking at our jobs by what the world says they are and started looking at them for what God intends for them to be. 

I recently heard a comedian joke with a man who managed a university copy center. He asked him if he'd dreamed of doing this when he was a kid. Of course, no one dreams of growing up to work at a copy place, but then he asked the man what he liked about his job. The man responded that he loved working with the kids. See - there it is. It's not the job, it's what God has us doing while we are there.

What has God called you to? Maybe you'll be a doctor, or lawyer, or Indian chief...or a teacher, or a copy center manager. No matter what the world says you are, ask God what He says you are. You might just be surprised to find it's what you've always dreamed you'd be.

Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.