Run to God.....

Note: The following is a repost from September 4, 2011.

Today was a different sort of Sunday. Tornado warning sirens kept me from jumping in the shower and then a fresh wave of rain dumped on me when I finally did manage to get ready and brave the elements to get to church. Once there, we had a shortened service due to the incoming storm. Simply worship and communion - but that was enough for God to speak something to my heart.

As we worshipped, I got this mental image of Jesus standing there and me running to Him - knowing I had done wrong but wanting nothing more than to bury my face in His robes and feel him wrap His arms around me in a loving embrace. I was overwhelmed with the desire to confess to Him all that I had done wrong, knowing it was against Him that I had sinned...and yet He still forgives. My desire to be close to Him was so much greater than my guilt and fear - I wanted nothing to stand in my way of being with Him.

I got to thinking about how much I want to discipline and correct my children the same way Christ disciplines me. It is natural to want to run and hide from authority when we know we have done wrong. You only have to look at Adam and Eve to find an example of this, yet running away and hiding is exactly what we do NOT need to do. When we run TO Christ, we find forgiveness and a new start....AGAIN! I emphasize "again" because I find I have to do this over and over. ( I wonder what would have happened if instead of playing the blame game, Adam and Eve would have run to their Father God for forgiveness?)

I want to not only remember to run to Christ, I want to learn to walk in forgiveness LIKE Christ. Even if the person who has wronged me doesn't ask or receive the forgiveness, it is there...waiting for them. Change me, Lord, to be more like You.

I also want to instill in my children this picture of forgiveness. I want to help them realize that when they run to me, they can FEEL the release. I want them to crave that more than they fear the consequences of their actions. Knowing that I am just the parent God has placed here on earth, I want them to run not just to me, but to Christ. There they will find complete forgiveness and freedom.

For my children and myself, I want to remember that when I run to Him, He can calm the storm that rages inside of me. I do not need to cower or be afraid - He is waiting with open arms to welcome me and heal the damage I have done.

Not bad for a short service.

Genesis 3:8 - 13 (Message translation)
"When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.
⁹ God called to the Man: "Where are you?"
¹⁰ He said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid."
¹¹ God said, "Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?"
¹² The Man said, "The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it."
God said to the Woman, "What is this that you've done?"
¹³ "The serpent seduced me," she said, "and I ate."

Psalm 37:39-40
³⁹ The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Correction for whose sake.....

I am "re-visiting" some blogs from past years. I find when I read them, it helps me remember what God was showing me that I need some "reminding" on. For those who, like me, need to read things more than once - thanks for stopping by!

"That's it! I've had enough!" Ever said something along those lines when having to discipline your children?  I know I have and I'm starting to realize how out of line that has been! Since when is discipline an issue of the fact that I'VE had enough? Who am I supposed to be correcting?
I've been thinking about how God corrects and disciplines me. He doesn't let me go on and on until He's good and mad and about to blow. He corrects me for ME....because He loves me. Let that sink in a moment. He corrects me because He wants me to be mature, solid, strong, successful and most of all loving. He wants the character in HIM to be in ME. I'm pretty sure when I lose it with my kids the last thing on my mind is having the character of me in them.
Discipline and correction are acts of love, not exasperation. That will change the whole tone and action of my discipline if I understand this. When I correct, it won't be because I'm exhausted (although I often am), and it won't be because I'm embarrassed by their behavior (although I often am). When I correct, it will be out of love for them. According to 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." This sounds like a pretty good way to approach correction my own children and those in my care.
Maybe we should look at some of the problems in our country right now as a result of a lack of love. If we truly love those around us, it doesn't make us soft and easily walked over. Love makes us strong because it is TOUGH to stand firm and say no sometimes. It shows love to deny the every passing demand of a child because we look not at their present desires but forward to what is best for them.
I know I will make mistakes in this....I am not God. Still, I want to look at the things I do for and with my children with their future in mind. I look for ways to say "yes" to them, but I also look for ways to help them learn from their mistakes....just like God does for me.
Loving correction isn't done for me....it's not because I've "had enough" of their bad behavior. It is done for them that they might have life and have it abundantly. That makes firm correction a lot easier to both give and receive. I'm actually not handing out "punishment", I'm handing out "love." What a difference that makes. (Not sure my children will see it that way, but children often don't see things clearly until they have grown and matured....which is my goal in the process.) I am not here for my children's comfort. I am here for their character, and that may mean they feel some "discomfort" along the way.
Wish I could say I will never again correct out of my need for peace and quiet, but I know that probably I will slip and say "I've had enough...." Still, I'm making progress. My Father has been correcting my way of thinking. He corrected me out of His unfailing love to see me mature and to care for His children.
Who says you can't teach an old gal new tricks? I'm holding on to this one because I see the difference it makes in me and those around me. Don't think I'll ever really get "enough" of that.
Proverbs 3:11-12 (Message) "But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this."

Hebrews 12:4-11 The Message (MSG)

^4-11"In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?
My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."

It's not just my pants that don't fit...a blog revisited

Ever have one of those days when you get up and nothing fits? I'm not talking about just your clothes, but it's almost as if LIFE doesn't fit anymore. Nothing is comfortable, and you have no idea what has happened. Of course we can blame it on lots of things...stress, lack of time, lack of motivation, too much to do, lack of support, etc...pretty much what we blame when our clothes don't fit, but we know it's something more.

Lately, I've been hearing this phrase pop up in conversations more and more..."just don't fit." I heard it from my daughter as I watched her try to find her "place" at school, from a friend as she talked about how her daughter tried but just couldn't seem to "fit" with their youth group, and then I heard it from another friend about her daughter. Each girl is very different, yet if you looked at them you'd think they would 'fit' in anywhere. They have lots of friends, people who love them, etc, but they each feel as if they don't fit. Then it hit me....I had heard this same phrase in conversations with adult women about themselves! They were uncomfortably admitting that they just didn't feel like they fit in.

Wow. I can understand why teenage girls feel that way sometimes, after all - they are in high school (a place I truly wish I could somehow fast-forward my own children through!) But to hear my adult women friends say this too, well, it got me thinking. Evidently it's not just our daughters that feel like things just don't fit. So I sat and tried to figure out what is wrong.

I know that in today's society we are going in such a rush that we have little time to feel connected. We are all like a bunch of spinning tops, occasionally bumping into each other but rarely if ever truly connecting. It reminds me of my son's Beyblades. You wind them up as fast as you possibly can and then pull the zip cord to watch them bump furiously into each other and then back into the boundries around them. Eventually they run out of spin and fall helpless to the floor. I know I've felt a lot like I was spinning lately!

It also reminded me of something I realized during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, five years ago. While that hurricane brought huge devastation, it also forced us all to stop for a while...and to be honest - it was good. Before the hurricane we were all on treadmills going as fast as we possibly could go. While we might have thought about stepping off, we couldn't without falling flat on our faces. Have you ever tried to "step off" a treadmill at top speed? Plus, if we had - it would have done no good because the rest of the world was still on their treadmills! But when the hurricane came, it "unplugged" all the treadmills. We all stopped. Neighbors renewed friendships with neighbors, families spent time with families, we all spent time just being for a while. True, it was tough. We were in survival mode, but somehow we came through it stronger. Then someone turned the treadmills back on and we all started running again....side by side, but at a pace that didn't allow for conversation or friendships.

So, perhaps it is the pace of life that causes us to feel like we don't fit in...but I think it's really something more. I think, perhaps, it is a holy discontent within...that feeling that something is missing. We point a finger outward and try to figure out why we don't fit in our school, church, etc. just like when the clothes in my closet no longer fit I try to blame stress, age, even the washing machine (which must have shrunk them) but really it's just me. The problem isn't out there; it's inside me!

I heard it said that men find their identity in what they do, but women find theirs in being appreciated and accepted for who they are. We want to feel loved for who we are...it doesn't matter if you are the head cheerleader or the artist or the athlete or the girl named most likely to succeed, or the girl who thinks she really doesn't have a niche. We want to feel special just for who we are. Deep inside, all of us feel like we don't fit until we find our acceptance in Christ. I'm not talking about salvation....it's more than that. It is a sold out discipleship. A holy discontent with life that drives us to Christ to find our place in Him. It's that look from our Heavenly Father that let's us know we are special to Him. To borrow the words from a song by Jason Gray, it's got to be, " More like falling in love than something to believe in; More like losing my heart than giving my allegiance; Caught up, called out - come take a look at me now..."

So what's the point? The point is I think we're all pretty much in the same boat. We all have times we feel like we just don't fit but we never say it cause we feel like we're the only ones....but we're not. The woman next to you in the church pew or serving with you on the PTA or in line next to you in the grocery store - they probably all feel just like you. Why, I bet even those fancy movie stars and models feel that way! We are all just like those teenage girls in high school feeling like we just don't fit - that is until we find our place, our approval, our fit in Christ. Then maybe, just maybe, we realize we're all feeling the same way long enough to stop spinning and help each other find the way.

We're all in this together....know that at least one other person is truly praying that you find where you fit in Christ and the contentment of knowing your truly "belong". While I'm at it, I'll throw in a prayer that all your clothes fit a little better too - even your skinny jeans! Of course, that would take a miracle!

Never ended a blog this way, but I love you guys....we're all in this together. {hugs to all}

My heart is heavy....

The past few days my heart has been heavy. Someone who was a part of my life and yet who I didn't even know has died. Robin Williams. His life and death has been on my mind at the strangest times. This afternoon as he came to mind once again, I remembered this blog that I wrote quite a few years ago. 

Robin Williams - you are missed.

Be forewarned...this one won't be a funny blog.
This has been a difficult week. A friend, a sister in Christ, was reported missing at the beginning of the week and found two days later - dead. While the local news broadcast that the body had been found, very little else was reported - which of course left room for more questions and rumors to abound. Was it murder? What had happened? How?

Some felt asking the questions was wrong. They urged to offer the family privacy, which is completely understood. However, the questions continued to brew....People weren't trying to be nosy; they were scared. In addition to dealing with the death of someone known throughout the community, there was a subtle fear linked to the unknown questions of "how." Mingled with their grief was a new element - fear.

People began to look over their shoulders as they walked into the local Walmart. Returning home after dark was no longer just an ordinary event. Going for a walk in the neighborhood somehow didn't seem as casual anymore. I, personally, even considered getting a tazer for protection of me and my family. I started going into full "mama bear mode", ready to protect my babies from some unknown killer.

Then slowly, it became evident that the unthinkable had happened. My friend had taken her own life. For whatever reason, she decided that she could no longer take part in this life here on earth, and she left. Why? I don't know.

After a week of worry, I realized there was no stranger who abducted my friend and carried her away from her family and friends. There was no burglary gone wrong. There was no crime. There was no murderer for us to hunt down and bring to justice. There was ..... nothing. While my thoughts about my friend's death made me sure there must have been a murderer that took her life, the facts said she took it herself.

Then today, a thought hit me. Maybe I was right the first time...there was a murderer, a murderer as old as time who has shown his work throughout the ages. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10) He fires darts toward our minds in hopes they will somehow find a chink in our armor and fester into torture no man can imagine. Then, just like any other predator, he lies to us and swears us to secrecy...telling us it's our fault we feel this way, our fault that we are broken and fighting a battle inside, our fault we aren't perfect. Just like the predators we hear about on tv, this one come in darkest hours to further torment us and pull us deeper and deeper into his captivity. And his greatest weapon - silence. He convinces us that we dare not share our thoughts with anyone. He makes very sure he keeps us "alone". This killer doesn't come in the shape of a human, but he is a killer all the same.

I wish I had known my friend was hurting, wish I had known the battle she was fighting...wish I could have helped her before she was killed. We say soft words like "she took her life", but the truth is, she was murdered...murdered by the one who would love to kill us all. Why do I think the fight is any less real when the enemy is spiritual - a being without flesh and bone? Why am I not just as ready to hunt him down in his hiding places and reveal him for the monster he is? I know that one day he will stand before the Judge and face his judgement, but in the meantime I want to make sure he doesn't find a way to kill again. I'm pretty sure buying that tazer won't protect me or my family against this enemy, but I know where to find a weapon that will....I plan on using the same sword Jesus used - the Word of God.

Wish I had some funny words to share with this blog, but there are none. Instead, I think I'll go and sharpen my sword. Oh, and one more thing....I'm going to make sure I have someone who can fight along side me...and I can fight along side them. This is not a battle I want to face alone.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 (Contemporary English Version)
If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble.

Ephesians 6:12-17 (Contemporary English Version)
12We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. 13So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when that evil day [a] comes, you will be able to defend yourself. And when the battle is over, you will still be standing firm. 14Be ready! Let the truth be like a belt around your waist, and let God's justice protect you like armor. 15Your desire to tell the good news about peace should be like shoes on your feet. 16Let your faith be like a shield, and you will be able to stop all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Let God's saving power be like a helmet, and for a sword use God's message that comes from the Spirit.

Sometimes I run - sometimes I walk.....

I am a runner. This is something that my running "coach" always reminds me of. It doesn't matter how slow or how far I go, I am a runner; but today, at mile two, that was hard to remember. 

I started out for my run with the thought that I wanted to go at least 45 minutes today, and I was doing pretty good up to about mile two. That's when I started to walk..."just for a bit", I told myself. Yeah - right.

I'm not sure if it was the heat that got to me, I did sleep late and linger over that second cup of coffee till after 10. Maybe it was the 13+ hour days I've worked most of this week starting back to school. Maybe it was that my blood sugar was a little high - I'm thinking a Little Debbie snack cake wasn't my best choice for breakfast. Maybe it was, "gasp", my age. For whatever the reason, I started to walk.

I've been trying to "come back" to running for a while now. I used to be fairly fast - well, for me at least. I could run for 8 miles with ease. Heat didn't even phase me. Now, I watch people who started running long after me going distances that I can't come close to. (I tend to forget that these same people are 10, 20, even 30 years younger than me and actually TRAIN!) At any rate, it can be discouraging. So today, when my run turned into a walk, I was not happy. That's when it hit me....at least you are still walking. You are moving forward.

Now I have to admit this thought was a bit funny. Of course I was still walking. I was two miles away from home! What choice did I have???

I think my life is something like my running career. At times I have felt the joy, the exhilaration of the perfect run. I am fast, my knees don't ache, my shoes stay tied, and I sprint across the finish line with ease - winning my age division (and not because I'm the only one in it!)

Then there are times when it seems like I just can't get it together. I start out okay but soon I'm slowing down, barely moving forward, wondering why I thought I could run this race at all.

Today it hit me....at least I'm still moving forward. The finish line may seem so far away, but still I move toward it. My speed isn't nearly what I'd like, but every step takes me closer to who I want to be, and closer to "home."

I love those mountain top experiences. I love it when it all seems to be going right. I don't like moving slow....but sometimes that's the only way to keep going.

As long as we're here on earth, we have a job to do. Sometimes we will run. Sometimes we will walk. All times we move forward toward the cross of our salvation...

But I will admit, I like it best when I can run!

Philippians 3:14 (MSG)

Focused on the Goal

^12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

Piece of my life's puzzle

Yesterday I had one of those "A-ha" moments that lingered with me through the day. I was busy setting up my new classroom and putting decorations on the wall when I came across the "puzzle" from last year and more importantly, another one from years ago.

For those unfamiliar with my "puzzles," you can check out the entire story from a previous blog - (Just doesn't fit) - but in a nutshell it was about how each person is important to the picture. In the lesson I gave each person a puzzle piece and they put their name on the piece and then added it to the completed picture. Without every "piece" the picture would be incomplete. Cool lesson, huh. 

But yesterday I learned something more.

You see, lately I've been dealing with unforgiveness. Oh, I know, as  Christian I'm supposed to know how to do this....but I still struggle sometimes. I'm like that song by Tenth Ave. North called "Losing". When I forgive it feels like I'm the one losing. My usual reaction to the situation is to simply avoid the one who caused me pain. That works (or so I think it does) unless the one I have to forgive is someone I must see daily, then it gets a bit (make that a whole lot) more difficult.

Anyway, yesterday I looked at that puzzle from years ago and there at the very top was that name, the one of the person who had caused me so much pain that year.  There was the name of the student who had bullied me. It may surprise people to learn that teachers can be bullied, too. After all, teachers have a place of power! (Not if they approach teaching as a place of service but that's for another blog.) At any rate, there was the name of the student who had subtly bullied me all year until at last he/she stepped over the line and was removed from my class. It was a mild threat but one that finally revealed what was happening. Once the student was removed, I realized that what I thought was just a difficult situation was truly one of bullying. As I looked at that puzzle piece, some of that year came back to mind. 

If anyone had asked me, I'd have said I would rather that the student had never been a part of that year. Life would have been so much easier for me and all those around me. I can't say I ever reached that student despite prayers, second (third, fourth, fifth, etc.) chances. I can't say I've even reached the place where my stomach doesn't tighten when I think of that student or that year. I look at some of the other names in the puzzle and realize that one name almost causes me to forget all the others that were such a blessing. 

That one name. That one puzzle piece. That one part of the picture.

But you see, that is what hit me. Underneath the puzzle I have a quote from It's a Wonderful Life. It's that part where Clarence the angel says, "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he."

Without that person who had caused me so much pain, the picture would be incomplete. 

There would be a hole in the picture.

Are you seeing what I am seeing? That person I wish I had never had to deal had a part in helping create my life's picture. The question is, what will I do with that "piece." Will I allow it to be a painful dig, or start to look at it as a beautiful part of the painting God is creating in my life?

It's such a small piece, but without it the picture would be incomplete.

Our life story, a picture of Christ's love and redemption. It has a lot of pieces....everyone is a part of a beautiful picture in Him.

Forgiveness is a difficult, sometimes painful piece - but without it the picture simply would not be whole and complete.

Genesis 50:20 (NIV) 

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Wet wood...

Then Elijah said to all the people, “Now come to me.” So they gathered around him, and Elijah rebuilt the altar of the Lord, which had been torn down. ³¹ He took twelve stones, one stone for each of the twelve tribes, the number of Jacob’s sons. (The Lord changed Jacob’s name to Israel.) ³² Elijah used these stones to rebuild the altar in honor of the Lord. Then he dug a ditch around the altar that was big enough to hold about thirteen quarts of seed. ³³ Elijah put the wood on the altar, cut the bull into pieces, and laid the pieces on the wood. ³⁴ Then he said, “Fill four jars with water, and pour it on the meat and on the wood.” Then Elijah said, “Do it again,” and they did it again. Then he said, “Do it a third time,” and they did it the third time. ³⁵ So the water ran off the altar and filled the ditch.
³⁶ At the time for the evening sacrifice, the prophet Elijah went near the altar. “Lord, you are the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel,” he prayed. “Prove that you are the God of Israel and that I am your servant. Show these people that you commanded me to do all these things. ³⁷ Lord, answer my prayer so these people will know that you, Lord, are God and that you will change their minds.”
³⁸ Then fire from the Lord came down and burned the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, and the ground around the altar. It also dried up the water in the ditch. ³⁹ When all the people saw this, they fell down to the ground, crying, “The Lord is God! The Lord is God!” (1 Kings 18)

Most are familiar with the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. There had been no rain in the land for 3 years and as far as the king was concerned, Elijah was to blame. (Guess he chose to forget that he had taken to worshiping idols.) After 3 years of this, Elijah returned and it was time for a "show-down" between Elijah and the God he worshiped and the king with the gods he chose. The challenge was simple. Build two altars and prepare the sacrifice then see which god/God would send down fire and burn it up. The prophets of Baal did their best to get the attention of their god but nothing worked despite the fact that they tried all day. Now it was Elijah's turn.

Elijah started by rebuilding the altar and, well, you see the "rest of the story" above. God consumed the sacrifice and all around fell down to worship The Lord, God. Lately this story has been on my mind, in particular one specific part. Elijah didn't just prepare the sacrifice, he used wet wood!

Now anyone who has ever tried to build a fire knows that you just can't use wet wood. You may get smoke, you may wear yourself out, but you are not going to get a fire unless you find a way to dry out your wood. The other day I was watching one of those survival shows and the people were stuck in the swamp. They wanted to make a fire because they were cold and tired, but the problem was all the wood was wet. To make matters worse, it started to rain! Any wood they thought they might be at least a little dry got soaked before they could gather it. Wet wood = no fire. Nothin', nadda, zippo, zilch.

But Elijah purposely had them soak the wood, maybe just to prove that nothing is impossible for God; then he simply asked. Fire came down, burned the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, and dried up the water around it! When they saw this, the people around fell down and worshiped God.

I don't know about you, but lately I've been feeling a bit like my wood was wet. I remembered the fire of God but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't seem to get it rekindled inside me. Life had dumped water on me till I was just plain soggy and the thought of fire inside was but a distant memory. 

But something is happening. Though my "wood" is wet, I can feel that God is up to something. We may be bringing wet wood but God is getting ready to start a fire that cannot be ignored. An "all consuming fire." One that others will see and it will cause them to worship God. (I love that part. It's not the wood the people worshiped, but when it caught fire, they sure did worship the One who caused it to burn!)

So how about it? Are you feeling it too? Life may have dumped a LOT of water on you and your wood is just plain soaked, but you can feel that stirring that something is about to happen. I don't know about you, but I am ready. Let's watch God start a fire, wet wood and all. 

I'll bring the marshmallows.