They call me...Guinea pig

 

This post will be about my journey with diabetes...and hopefully more.

About 12 years ago I was diagnosed as diabetic. I guess I could have titled this post, They call me diabetic, but it goes further than that. I have always cringed at being identified by the disease that has tried to define me. I remember telling the nurse practitioner that I was NOT diabetic, despite having a reading of 583 for my blood sugar. She kept saying, yes you are to which I kept responding, no, I'm NOT! Finally, she said, "Okay, but I still need you to come in tomorrow so I can show you how to give yourself insulin injections."

I quickly learned how to "count carbs" and be a "good diabetic". For a while, it worked. I was in the Honeymoon period of my diagnosis. It worked, lulling me into the idea that I knew what I was doing. Now, fast forward to the past couple of years. I was no longer, in control. In fact, it seemed that all of the experts had different advice - thus my new name - Guinea pig. 

Oh, they didn't call me Guinea pig, but that is in essence what I was. Take an A1c test - hmmmm, too high. Let's try this. First, it was medicines, then lifestyle changes, then one thing after another. I got so sick of the questions, "Are you drinking water? Cutting out sweets and breads? Walking?" Get the picture - I was a guinea pig. 

And my own research wasn't much better. Every ad that scrolled across my screen was for something different - try cinnamon, eat this, don't eat that, try this new medicine. It was exhausting. For a while, I tried Keto and had a degree of success, but it was exhausting. 

Recently, I took on a trainer - Coach Brian with Shutupeatclean. Yeah, the name pretty much says it all. Stop all the complaining and change your life. There is SO much to this program, but since I'm on the eating subject, that's the focus. 

Almost immediately I saw success! I lost weight! I felt stronger!! I even got "guns" as my students call them. And yet...still my blood sugar was spiking for no reason. Coach looked at every aspect, constantly working to find the source of the problem and kept mentioning, it might be the protein drinks you are using. To be honest, I quickly dismissed this since I "knew" what I was doing. After all, I'd been counting carbs for years! My protein drinks ranged from 0 - 4 carbs per serving. It couldn't be that. Still, he persisted bringing up that perhaps that was the issue.

Well, I finally got frustrated enough to be really honest. All my "labs" looked great, but that one important reading kept showing out in a really negative way! Coach said once again - it has to be the protein drinks. He explained it once again...and finally, I decided to be the guinea pig and try it. I got myself to a "normal reading" and then drank a shake. My blood sugar jumped up 60 points. 

Okay, but honestly I still wasn't sure...so, I waited till I had a "low" and I thought it would be the perfect time to try again. Only one variable - that's how to do an experiment with a guinea pig. One drink - and it was delicious! Again, a 60-point jump that continued to increase! Dang - looks like he was right. (I hate it when he's right.)

I often grumble under my breath that it's just not fair. Everyone else gets to eat what they want but I cannot - well, not and remain healthy. I desperately want to be "normal" but simply put, I. Am. Not. And maybe that's okay. Maybe my path is supposed to look different. Maybe being a guinea pig is part of the overall plan.

I in no way believe that God gave me diabetes - God doesn't do things like that. But He did allow it, knowing that as I turned things over to Him, He would use it for my good and His glory! And he planned ahead of time to bring those into my life that could help me overcome. My doctor, that I dearly love, and my Coach, that I love to hate. 

I can't live like others - and that's not a bad thing. Sometimes I feel like a guinea pig - I want a simple, cut-and-dried answer...but I am not living a simple, cut-and-dried life. And neither are you. We are called to be more than conquerors...and sometimes that means we have to go through a period of feeling like a guinea pig, running test after test to see what works. 

Don't be discouraged...God will provide the answers you need - when you are finally ready to hear. I don't know what your "protein drink" is - that thing that is supposed to help according to all the commercials and experts and magazines. What I do know is that God is faithful and will help you see the answers you need when you are ready. You may not get all the answers you want, but you will find the answers to your purpose and so much more when you seek...and sometimes are willing to be a guinea pig. 

Photo by Bonnie Kittle on UnsplashIt's not that God is trying to figure it out - He's trying to help you see.

Happy new year and new vision to you my friend....from a fellow guinea pig.

The Grammys, doughnuts, and making a choice

I notice there has been a lot of talk lately about the Grammys - specifically about Natalie Grant leaving and her reasons why. Then, this morning I read a blog post by Mandisa as to why she didn't even attend the Grammys this year. Both ladies had, in my opinion, solid reasons for their actions. Neither condemned others - they left or didn't attend because they felt it was the right thing to do for them. Then, this morning I read a devotional (that had been written LONG before any Grammy performance hit the stage) that sort of addressed the same thing - what we spend out times viewing.

All this has me thinking. There are some things in life that are like roads I just don't need to go down. Take for example food. Early on in my journey as a diabetic, I sat in a class where the instructor told us there was no such thing as "good" or "bad" foods. While I completely understood what she was saying, I spoke up and wholeheartedly disagreed! Some foods are nothing but poison to our bodies - and for me at least, highly addictive! All it takes is one step and before I know it I am awash in a sea of sugar and the resulting negative effects! While I may say, "I'll just have a half a doughnut - that's not so bad", I know I am lying. Once that "half" crosses my lips I am like an addict looking for my next fix! I know that is a bit of an exaggeration - but only a little bit!

I convince myself that it's "safe" and a little won't hurt. I am reminded of the student I saw once who was having a high blood sugar episode - the second one I'd seen her have in two weeks. Seems that since her numbers were so good that morning, she'd taken advantage by having pancakes and syrup for breakfast. Seriously? Just because you are doing good you think you can overdose and it won't hurt? You'll just "adjust your meds"? Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Needless to say, she had an extremely high number and was then trying to figure out how to bring her levels back down to earth. I understand....been there myself, and not just with my blood sugar!

Obviously, all this got me to thinking about my "levels" in other areas of my life. It's not just the food I take into my body that affects my life, but also what I take into my mind and my spirit. I try to live my life by the verse that says whatsoever things are honest, pure, lovely, of a good report - think on these things. But it's just so dog-gone easy to come home at the end of a hard day and plop down in front of the TV or computer and veg out. I take that first bite and before I know it, I've spent hours doing nothing but filling my mind and spirit with what could at best be called junk food. At worst, it's poison.

As I write this, I am preaching at no one other than myself. I am admitting that I am so easily led that it is shameful. I take one step and before I know it I've gone down a road I never intended. I don't think I'm the only one. When I was a kid, TV didn't even show Lucy and Ricky in the same bed! (This could explain why I didn't figure out for years where Little Ricky came from!) Now, we get more information in a 30 second commercial than I EVER wanted to know! Progress? I'm not so sure. I do think it's a sign that we started down a road we never intended and found ourselves deep in enemy territory with no clue how to get out. Some have even convinced themselves that they are still walking in the light despite the fact that they can barely see.

I applaud Natalie Grant and Mandisa for recognizing that they were looking down a road they didn't want to be on. They took a step to turn around and not expose themselves to things that they believed would be harmful to their own minds, hearts, and spirits. One of them said something along the lines of not being able to un-see these things. They did not tell others what they should or should not do, but simply recognized that this was wrong for them. Many will be critical, but that's a bit like telling a diabetic they are wrong for not eating a sugar filled doughnut with sprinkles on top! We all have to make choices and recognize what is "poison" to us.

I need to find that strength inside myself. No, I'm not simply talking about walking away from the doughnuts. Honestly, I still do not have even that! If they are in my house, I will eat one...make that three or four. My best bet is to stay away and not go near those delicious devils! I always regret it when I eat them anyway. The sweetness of the moment is always overshadowed by the aftertaste of regret (and that weird taste of yeast and fat!) 

I need to find the strength to recognize and walk away from the things that fill my mind and heart with junk as well. Maybe I could start a group. "Hi! My name is Donna and I am an entertainment-aholic." Or maybe I should stop reaching for the remote and first reach for my Bible.

I've got lots to "chew on" this morning...which is a good thing because since we're experiencing a rare "iced-in" event, I'm stuck at home with LOTS of time on my hands. Yesterday I spent it eating and entertaining myself into a stupor. Today I think I'll turn around and try a different path...one that has more LIGHT! 

Note: This thought hit me after first posting. Maybe instead of feasting on what the world offers, I should reach for some fruit - specifically the fruit of the spirit.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

1 John 2:15-16 (VOICE)

¹⁵ Don’t fall in love with this corrupt world or worship the things it can offer. Those who love its corrupt ways don’t have the Father’s love living within them. ¹⁶ All the things the world can offer to you—the allure of pleasure, the passion to have things, and the pompous sense of superiority—do not come from the Father. These are the rotten fruits of this world. 

1 John 1:6-7 (VOICE)

⁶ If we say we have an intimate connection with the Father but we continue stumbling around in darkness, then we are lying because we do not live according to truth. ⁷ If we walk step by step in the light, where the Father is, then we are ultimately connected to each other through the sacrifice of Jesus His Son. His blood purifies us from all our sins.

no excuse

Been thinking a lot lately...about things we use as excuses. We all do it. We "excuse" what we do by saying, I can't help it; this is just the way God made me. To coin an old phrase - Hogwash!

Perhaps I can explain in a "gentler" way. I'll use something in my own life as an example of what I mean.

I am a diabetic. People often ask me questions about diabetes and how, at the age of 53 I could be diagnosed with this disease. No, I am not overweight. No, it does not run in my family. No, I don't really know why I have this disease. What they really want to know is "What can I do to make sure I don't get it?" It kind of brings to mind the story of the man that Jesus healed. Everyone around wanted to know did this man sin or his family. Neither - but it was allowed so that God might be glorified.

Now, I'm not sure why I am diabetic...I just am. I could use the excuse that this is how God made me and dive into the disease with abandon. I could eat lots of breads and sweets...I do love chocolate. It calls my name. At times, I am not exaggerating when I say it is all I can think of! If it is in the house, the temptation is greater than my inner strength to abstain. But since this is "how I am made" why not just give in to the temptation. Why? Because it will kill me, that's why.

Remember the scene from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe? The white witch temps Edmund with the Turkish Delight. Once he has tasted it, it calls his name. He can think of nothing else. Yeah, that's what it's like.

So, did God "create me to be diabetic" or is this the result of sin? Well, I guess since God doesn't create something that is imperfect, it must be a result of sin....of sin in the world. The flaw in me was dormant for over 50 years, but then life happened. And yes, I admit I helped it along with my choices.

I can go long periods "thinking" I'm okay - then I'll slip and eat the sweet - it's pretty much downhill from there. I can convince myself it doesn't affect me - my sugar can get QUITE high and I don't FEEL it - but it effects my body and little by little it destroys. I may "feel" fine...but this insidious disease is working to steal away my life.

Sin is a disease. Like diabetes, it is carried in the blood...and it destroys. There are lots of sins listed in the Bible that are now "politically incorrect" to believe....but it doesn't change the fact of what they will do. Sin still kills. Sometimes it does it slowly, sometimes at hyper speed...but it still kills.Whether it's gossip or adultery or drugs or lying or gluttony or any of the other sins listed...all will kill. They destroy.

So, do I just give up and do what I want? Do I try the excuse that this is just the way I was made? No. God did not make me to be a diabetic, but I am one...and my choices can kill or give life. Yes, He loves me just as I am...but it won't change the fact that the disease within me will kill.

Maybe it's time we gave up our excuses. They don't really change the truth, they just give us permission to keep on doing what is killing us. None of us is perfect, but facing the truth goes a long way toward stopping the enemy of our souls.

Romans 6:14-18

The Message (MSG)

^12-14 That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.

What Is True Freedom?

^15-18 So, since we’re out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we’re free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it’s your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you’ve let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you’ve started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom!