Another birthday...

The following is an intermission from my reflections on Cambodia....simply cause it's my birthday and it's on my mind!

Since I celebrate my 54th birthday today, I've been doing a lot of thinking about just how to handle getting this old. Over the hill, past my prime, etc. Even if a person tries to tell themselves that 50 is the new 30, there echoes in the back of their mind that feeling that makes them cringe...that perhaps they are, in fact, getting old. 

Funny thing is, I remember when I turned 30 feeling pretty much the same way! I even wonder does my father-in-law have those same thoughts now that he's about to turn 83.

Our society celebrates youth, that goes without saying. Even in areas of ministry, we tend to look to the next generation....those who will be the "Joshua" generation and take the promised land. While I in no way want to discount those who have not yet made the trip around the sun as many times as me, I can't help but wonder....am I done? Does God look at me and figure, "Well, she's still alive but I can't really use her for much anymore. Time to look at the next group coming up." Of course, we all know that's ridiculous...but many of us who have made the trip over 40 or 50 times still have those moments. You know the ones I'm talking about, those times when you wonder if your best years are behind you and perhaps you just never fulfilled what God had planned for your life. Those times when you wonder...am I too old to be used by God?

I've often heard that a baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. Not sure how theologically sound that is, but I do believe that every child born is born with a purpose. There are no "accidents". Each life has a purpose in God. That's what got me to thinking about those birthdays again. Perhaps, just perhaps, each passing birthday is God's way of letting us know He's not finished with us yet....He still has a work for us to do...we need to "go on". We may not have the same spring in our step that we once had, but that doesn't mean we're done. Whatever God created you to do, as long as you're still blowing out the candles on the cake, it's not over yet.

The gifts of God are without repentance....and as long as we abide on this earth, we are to use those gifts. Don't think that just because you are older that God won't still fulfill the dream...you know the one I'm talking about...the dream that He placed in your heart years ago...when you still had that spring in your step. God doesn't make mistakes....and He doesn't forget about you or that dream.

God's time table isn't the same as ours, and if you're still alive, then evidently God still has something for you to do. Though it tarries, wait for it. Let your gifts continue to grow and mature...and be used. Allow each passing birthday to serve as a reminder that God is in control and He's not finished with you yet.

For everyone, no matter when it comes, I wish you Happy Birthday! May this birthday bring you assurance that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it....and don't be afraid to continue to dream.

Ephesians 1:11-12 (Message)

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

The dream...

A few years ago...well, I guess it was actually about 20 years ago...I had a dream. It was one of those that causes your heart to pump and when you wake up you immediately know what it means. For some reason, that dream came to mind again this morning so I thought I'd share.

Many years ago, our church used to do a New Year's Eve celebration at the local college in the old gym. It was one of those gyms where you pulled out the bleachers to sit on - the old rickety wooden kind. It was always my "job" to decorate - obviously we were desperate to use me to decorate since I have NO sense of that sort of thing. Since I have a fear of heights, I especially hated the part that required me to climb to the very top bleacher and reach as high as I could (at 5 feet 2 inches, that wasn't all that high) and tape up the streamers or balloons. Still, I would obediently climb up there and try to still my heart and nerves as I added color to an otherwise boring dull gym. I was "doing it for the Lord!"

In my dream, I was smack dab in the middle of decorating for one of our New Year's celebrations and as usual, I was climbing to the top of those bleachers. For some reason they seemed even more rickety than before! Just as I climbed to the very top and reached to start decorating, the entire bleacher folded flat. It just collapsed! I sort of "rode" the boards down and I wasn't hurt, but you can imagine my heart was pounding like the lead drum in a marching band! Then I woke up.

Immediately I felt the Lord speak to my heart what it all meant. All my "works" that I had done to try and please Him were like those bleachers...rickety and scary and bound to come tumbling down. Instead He gave me a picture of what He really wanted from me. I could see my feet - and His - on a path. The path wasn't huge and I really couldn't see farther than a few steps ahead. Let's be honest - I could only see the path for the next step I would take, and sometimes only where I was currently standing! 

The path wasn't wide or steep, but there was a slight incline. I knew it would take me higher, but it wasn't like the climb I took on those weak wooden bleachers. This path was steady and sure. For some reason, I completely understood what I was seeing again.

God wasn't calling me to try and build some great, high, rickety structure...He was simply calling me to walk with Him one step at a time. Most of the time I couldn't see farther than the next step I was to take and I certainly had no idea where we were headed - but it wasn't scary. I didn't have to be afraid. All I had to do was follow Him, one step at a time.

I look back on where that "path" has taken me over the past 20 years and I am amazed. Some places I probably would have chosen not to go; but on the other side, I can see why we traveled through that area. 

I am not where I ever imagined I'd be...that's not a bad thing, by the way. I'm just now starting to do some of the things I dreamed of doing all those years ago - this blog being one of them. Some things I have yet to see. I almost never get to see very far ahead on the path. I wish I could say I'm always patient with that part, but I'm learning. I do know that He has never left me alone on the path.

Not sure why that dream came to mind today...maybe someone reading this needed to hear again that God has a plan for their life. He will walk you through it one step at a time. Maybe it was simply to remind me not to be afraid as I stand on this path and can't really see the next step for me and my family. For whatever reason this dream came back to mind, I do know this one thing. We never walk alone....and I don't have to make things happen myself by "climbing" some ladder, or bleacher, of success. Those things collapse, but Jesus never fails.
(For those who read original post and caught the typo, I apologize!!! I'm guessing you caught my intended meaning because only my husband pointed out my mistake!!)

Psalm 32:8 
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Isaiah 48:17
And now, the Master, God, sends me and his Spirit
   with this Message from God,
   your Redeemer, The Holy of Israel:
"I am God, your God,
   who teaches you how to live right and well.
   I show you what to do, where to go.