Friday, November 12, 2010

As long as I don't look in the mirror....

I have no idea how it happened. I was just minding my own business and somehow an old woman came and took my body hostage. The thing is, it happened so gradually I didn't notice. I was busy being a mom and a teacher and learning about God and who I am and then one day I looked around and my children were looking very grown up. This did catch my attention because I knew I hadn't changed. Oh sure, I noticed my pants felt a little more snug than they had and I had aches and pains now and then; but I knew I was still just a little over 28 years old, still discovering just how much God truly loves me and finding my way in the world. In my head, I'm still just a girl; and I can pretty much keep that delusion going until I pass a mirror. That's when things get ugly. Instead of that young girl, an old(er) woman is staring back at me. What's even scarier is that she looks a lot like my mom! Wow. When did that happen?

To be honest, I find that I'm avoiding those mirrors now days. I'd rather live in the delusion in my head of who I am and who I've become....but sometimes you just have to give a good stare. I mean, I have to fix my hair in the morning. I have to make sure my shirt (and not my skirt) is tucked in when I leave the restroom. I have to make sure I don't have spinach caught on my teeth after lunch. Sometimes you have to take a good look at who you really are.

The Bible talks about how we look into a mirror and then promptly forget what we've seen. We seem to be more content with who we like to believe we are than what is really there. But that mirror is important. It reminds us how much we truly need a Savior. It reminds us that this life is but a breath and there is so much more to look forward to. It reminds me to put my trust in Him. That mirror helps me see myself not as I think I am, but for what I truly have become. Those lines on my face...do they mark laughter or frowns? The gray in my hair, does it speak of wisdom or fatigue? Do I stand strong and filled with hope, or am I hunched over with the weight of worry and fear? Do I see what others see?

I try to tell myself that mirrors aren't all bad. Thanks to mirrors, I don't walk around in a mini skirt thinking I still have the legs of an 18 year old. (Makes me kind of wonder if some people even OWN mirrors.)  I don't walk out in public with my skirt tucked into my underwear. Thanks to my mirror, my teeth, while not magazine model white, at least don't have spinach on them. (Oh who am I kidding...at least they don't have chocolate cookies on them!)  My mirror also helps me work on areas that, to be honest, need work! And my mirror helps me to grasp just brief this life on earth truly is.

For now, I will try not to dread looking in that mirror . I want to see what others see when they look at me.  I will also be honest and admit that it makes me happier than ever that God looks not on the outward appearance, but at my heart. Hmmmm, I wonder if that heart looks as young as it feels?

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12

"Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." James 1:22-24 (The Message)

1 comment:

Deidra said...

Thank you for sharing that Donna. What a timely reminder of what really matters.