Monday, December 6, 2010

Don't throw yourself out at first.

You know, I love watching sports of every kind. Not on tv, mind you. I like to be there live and in person. Maybe it's my inner athlete that never learned to play sports, maybe I just love watching people; but for whatever reason, I love watching sports - especially when kids are involved. They still believe they can do anything....and perhaps they can. They believe that, even if they aren't all that good right now, they are just one throw, run, hit, or jump from greatness.

One of my most favorite memories is of a T-ball game I attended years ago. In that game, I watched a little girl do something that has stuck with me since. This tiny powerhouse came up to the plate to bat with all the expertise of a flounder out of water. Her helmet looked a bit too big, the bat looked like a redwood compared to her, and I'm pretty sure they had to stop her and tie her shoes for her before she started to swing. The first swing came - she missed. Then a second - missed again. Once more - it was a tip that sent the ball rolling slowly toward the pitcher. In true T-ball fashion, the entire outfield came running in to try and get that ball, but they simply weren't fast enough...not for that little girl. She ran out and grabbed that ball and then promptly threw herself out at first. She was so proud! She had done what they could not! It took quite a bit of explaining, and I think I remember them giving her another chance, but I will never forget that moment. She actually threw herself out! No opposing team could do what she had done herself.

Therein, of course, lies today's random thought. I'm pretty sure I've been throwing myself out at first...and so have a lot of others around me. We have participated in helping the enemy of our soul in a way that it could not do in itself. It's as if the spirit of discouragement has attached its thorny claws to us and in raspy whispers only we can hear, it tells us over and over again we are not enough. We are not good enough, not smart enough, not cultured enough, not skinny enough, not whatever enough. It reminds us over and over of just how badly we blew it, AGAIN. It plays the stupid words we said over and over again inside our head like a broken record. It tries to convince us that when bad things happen, it is ALWAYS our fault. That we are being punished for being so stupid...so unworthy....so inadequate once again.

I wonder if hermits separate themselves from the world not because of fear of the world, but because they are afraid they will fail and finally be discovered as inadequate...simply not enough. I know I have had times when I felt like I should just crawl into a hole so that I would do as little damage as possible. I say the wrong thing, act too quickly, live too loud, generally stick my foot in my mouth and then for good measure, stick the other foot in as well. I find myself desperately trying to learn what I imagine others must have learned years ago as teenagers, yet I am still trying desperately to discover what the "rules" are. Instead of getting better with age, it seems I'm getting worse! Buying wrong gifts, over doing, not doing enough, doing it too loudly, not speaking up when I should, forgetting the important things, being overwhelmed by the trivial....

It's not everyday, mind you. Some days I feel pretty confident in myself - followed closely by days when I realize just how inadequate I am. Like most, I've had plenty of times in my life when the spirit of discouragement and despair has tried to convince me to "throw myself out at first." That's the enemy's favorite tactic - to remind us just how human and "not enough" we truly are.

Here's the shocker - the enemy is right....to a degree. I am not enough. I am in desperate need of a Savior. I need one who knows me and yet loves me all the same. I long for One who doesn't condemn, and instead speaks life into the cavernous hole in my heart and fills it. I want to be treasured as special...truly special. I want to feel His presence lifting me and reminding me that I am loved. I want one who doesn't remember my mistakes, but instead reminds me of the few times I actually got it right - because I waited on Him. I want Someone who will gently reach out and stop me from throwing myself out at first, before I've really even begun to play the game that day.

Perhaps you are like me this morning. You wake up to that feeling of dread in facing today's game - sure you'll mess it up somehow. I speak against that spirit of discouragement right now. I pray that you will recognize his lies for just what they are - an attempt to get you to throw yourself out at first before you even get started. God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a strong mind. He is right there with you, ready to guide your hands, steady your bat, and hit that ball right out of the park....just like your little kid dreams always imagined.

My words cannot fully express what is on my heart, but a song by Mercy Me does a really good job of speaking life.

Days will come when you don't have the strength,
When all you hear is "you're not worth anything"
Wondering if you ever could be loved,
And if they truly saw your heart, they'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful,You're beautiful,
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His,
You're beautiful

I'm praying that you have the heart to fight,
'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long,
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful,You're beautiful,
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful,You're beautiful,
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His,
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath, long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed, there was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above, you're the one Emmanuel loves
Enough to die

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are His
You're beautiful,You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful,You're beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are His.

Today, as you come up to bat, give it all you've got. Don't be afraid that you won't be enough. Don't throw yourself out at first. Instead, know that you are loved....and give it all you've got - for Him who loves you no matter how you feel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f89sRf3BKKU

6 comments:

Sara said...

This was wonderful!! I really needed this!! Keep up the wonderful blogging!! =)

Deidra Gammill said...

Donna, thank you for being so transparent and real all the time. You don't know what an encouragement you are to me (and others). Your lyric choice reminded me of pastor's sermon: Mary was beautiful with the beauty of God. Very appropriate.

Kathryn said...

Donna!

This was WONDERFUL!!!! I am soooo glad that I found you on facebook. I am at lunch right now and don't have time to go back and read the blogs you have posted previously, but I certainly am going to as I get a chance from home.

I also don't have much time to write as I only have 15 minutes left on lunch - just know that you have TRULY touched my heart today and I KNOW that God is up to something :)

Love ya!

Donna said...

Thanks for reading you guys! Sara and Deidra, maybe one day we'll all hit the road with our blogs! LOL
Kathryn, thanks for reading. Some are funnier than others, but they are what my life is. So happy if God is able to use even one.

Aunt Mare said...

Dear Sister,
I sit with a grateful heart today after reading your blog. I know the Lord led me here this very day to use your words to encourge a young woman who is going though depression. I will meet w/her tonight and have printed your post and the words to the song. What a great reminder for her to know how truly beautiful she is. Many continued blessings to you!

Donna said...

Aunt Mare, thank you so much for your kind words. I will be praying for you and that young woman.
(By the way, how did you happen upon the blog?)