I don't know about other moms out there, but I know that I have made a LOT of mistakes in raising my children. Just this past week, I had one of those weird moments when I woke up and it seemed that my mind was FILLED with memories of times I had failed. So many moments that I wished I could get a "do over," so many decisions I wished I'd handled differently. I wanted so much to give my children the perfect Christian upbringing and instead....they got me.
As you can imagine, it was not a morning that filled me with great faith....until I got on facebook that is. When I sat down with my morning coffee to browse updates, there was one of my daughter's statuses that had about 17 comments. I had to see what had caused such feedback! What the topic was is not the point, it was the way she handled the discussion that ensued on the page that made me catch my breath. As I read, I was amazed at how eloquent she presented her arguments and how level headed her responses seemed to be. I almost cried when I saw a glimpse of the young woman my precious child had become. I could almost feel God's hand on my shoulder reassuring me that no matter what mistakes I'd made, He was still in control.
Later on in the week, a mother came to me to share a discussion she had with my daughter. She shared how impressed she had been with listening to my daughter as she told those around her why it was so important to listen to your parents' rules when it came to being allowed to use the car. (She is a newly licensed driver.) She also shared why it was so important to pay attention to that "inner voice" that lets you know when something is wrong. Once again - I was floored! I knew this was NOT because of me....this was in SPITE of me!
Why share all this? Simply because on this Mother's Day I am reminded more than ever that whatever good there is, it's not because of me. I have made WAY too many mistakes to ever think that the steady walk my daughter is developing is because of me. I also remember very distinctly the day I went for a run and cried as I prayed for my child. I was at such a loss....I finally reached the point where I said, "She's Yours, God. I completely give her back to You." (I can even take you to the very spot on that run when I felt God lift the weight from my heart.)
Now, mind you, I had dedicated her when she was just a baby in my arms. We'd had the whole family come and share the moment as my pastor held her before our church and prayed....but this was different. I guess in some ways I felt a bit like Hannah turning over Samuel and knowing there was no turning back. I gave up any illusion that I could really do anything other than pray....and pray I did. Make that, pray I DO...but honestly not enough. No, I can't even take credit for prayer.
God is so good. On this Mother's Day, I am reminded that He gave me the joy of being able to watch this precious child grow into a beautiful young woman. He allows me to catch glimpses of His plan for her life. He sends comfort and correction when I completely mess up. He loves my child even more than I do....and I am amazed.
Happy Mother's Day to you from one mom who has made plenty of mistakes - and one good decision. I turned my child over to God and though it isn't always easy, I know it's the one thing I got right.
1 Samuel 1:24-28 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the LORD at Shiloh. When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.