Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Can I be honest?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving...can I be honest? I'm pretty un-thankful.

Don't get me wrong. I am the FIRST to say "thank you" to people for just about EVERYTHING! Thank you to the cashier at the grocery store. Thank you to my students for walking in line. Thank you to the traffic light for finally turning green...I try daily to see my blessings. I am so thankful for my children, my husband, my all around me I am pretty sure that I appear to be a thankful person.

But I know the truth.

I see the success of the "world" and I am jealous. I see those around me with plenty, those who do not seem to serve God, and I get angry. I see the exciting, new toys enjoyed by the "rich" and I secretly seethe. No, I'm not thankful.

I am pretty sure I am not alone. If I am the only one who struggles with this, I simply ask that you pray for me and see me as a flawed child of God who is still growing. You see, I often forget just how blessed I am.

I get my eyes off what God has given me and instead stare at the blessings of others. I am ADHD and distracted by the shiny and sparkly of what I perceive to be as better. I become a person who views the world through the glasses of want instead of those of abundance...despite all that I have. I forget.

Today, I want to remember.

As I clean out my old van that is older than my son who just got his driver's license, I want to look at the stickers that still remain on the back window, a reminder of the vacation taken with my children when they were young. The laughter that filled that van...yes, it's even better than a new car smell could ever be....and I give thanks.

As I pick up the dirty clothes for the millionth time, I want to remember that God chose my husband and me to raise two of His precious children...and while my son talks non-stop or my daughter leaves her stuff everywhere, I want to remember what life was like before them...and I give thanks.

As I see people with jobs that seem perfect - complete with large salaries and bonus perks - I want to remember the blessings of the career God has chosen for me. While there never seems to be money in my account, I can hardly go anywhere without hearing my name called or being recognized as a teacher. (Okay - not sure how thankful I should be about that!)

As I see magnificent homes exquisitely decorated for the holidays, I want to remember that each ornament I hang on my little tree represents a year of my life with family. There is only one tree, but it holds a lifetime of memories, one that, honestly, is filled with far more good than bad....and I give thanks.

I want to remember.....and give thanks.

Maybe I'm the only one that struggles with being thankful. Perhaps people will see this blog and think of me as a horrible person from now on. Or maybe, just maybe, there are other "un-thankful" people out there who like me are learning....remembering to give thanks for what they have.

Honestly, sometimes it's hard...but I'm working on it.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (MSG)

16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

1 comment:

ToneyG said...

I, as well, am often unthankful because of what I see as abundance for others and lacking for me. I've been through the ringer (a few times) and I've had my share to be upset, angry, and even downright mad about, but in the end I have more to be thankful for than I have to be jealous of.
I am thankful that my daughter, Grace will turn 15 in February which means that in only about 3 years she will be able to make her own decisions and I will not be at the mercy of her mother or anyone else but her as to when I can see her or how much time we can spend together. I'm thankful that, even after being betrayed by the woman I loved, God provided me with one who actually loves me in spite of me. I'm thankful that I have brothers and sisters in Christ who consider me as a brother even when I am unworthy, not only of God's salvation, but even of the love of a brother or sister. I am thankful that I can still get up each morning and face the challenges that lie before me at work and/or school. I am thankful that I will complete my BS degree in Interior Design in the next couple of years (maybe I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up). I am thankful for a roof over my head, wheels under me to carry me where I need to go. I am thankful for my "boys" who are so loveable and soft and striped, and sometimes a bit vocal. I am thankful for the cool weather (or what you might call cold weather). I am thankful for laughter, love and friendships, old and new...and I am thankful for your reminder that I have much to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!