Can I be honest?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving...can I be honest? I'm pretty un-thankful.

Don't get me wrong. I am the FIRST to say "thank you" to people for just about EVERYTHING! Thank you to the cashier at the grocery store. Thank you to my students for walking in line. Thank you to the traffic light for finally turning green...I try daily to see my blessings. I am so thankful for my children, my husband, my life...to all around me I am pretty sure that I appear to be a thankful person.

But I know the truth.

I see the success of the "world" and I am jealous. I see those around me with plenty, those who do not seem to serve God, and I get angry. I see the exciting, new toys enjoyed by the "rich" and I secretly seethe. No, I'm not thankful.

I am pretty sure I am not alone. If I am the only one who struggles with this, I simply ask that you pray for me and see me as a flawed child of God who is still growing. You see, I often forget just how blessed I am.

I get my eyes off what God has given me and instead stare at the blessings of others. I am ADHD and distracted by the shiny and sparkly of what I perceive to be as better. I become a person who views the world through the glasses of want instead of those of abundance...despite all that I have. I forget.

Today, I want to remember.

As I clean out my old van that is older than my son who just got his driver's license, I want to look at the stickers that still remain on the back window, a reminder of the vacation taken with my children when they were young. The laughter that filled that van...yes, it's even better than a new car smell could ever be....and I give thanks.

As I pick up the dirty clothes for the millionth time, I want to remember that God chose my husband and me to raise two of His precious children...and while my son talks non-stop or my daughter leaves her stuff everywhere, I want to remember what life was like before them...and I give thanks.

As I see people with jobs that seem perfect - complete with large salaries and bonus perks - I want to remember the blessings of the career God has chosen for me. While there never seems to be money in my account, I can hardly go anywhere without hearing my name called or being recognized as a teacher. (Okay - not sure how thankful I should be about that!)

As I see magnificent homes exquisitely decorated for the holidays, I want to remember that each ornament I hang on my little tree represents a year of my life with family. There is only one tree, but it holds a lifetime of memories, one that, honestly, is filled with far more good than bad....and I give thanks.

I want to remember.....and give thanks.

Maybe I'm the only one that struggles with being thankful. Perhaps people will see this blog and think of me as a horrible person from now on. Or maybe, just maybe, there are other "un-thankful" people out there who like me are learning....remembering to give thanks for what they have.

Honestly, sometimes it's hard...but I'm working on it.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (MSG)

^16-18 Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.