It has been a while since I've written. While I won't go into all the reasons, the main culprit is probably my feelings of failure.
I know that statement may shock some. I am loud, seemingly unafraid of anything (my students think I will charge Hades with a water-pistol), and according to many, kind of funny. Those characteristics shout confidence - or at least they seem to.
But lately, I have felt like a failure on almost every front. Oh, I know, Christians aren't supposed to battle these thoughts. We are children of the King! You can just google that phrase, "child of the King," and you'll get 572,000,000 results - in less than a second! It's a popular thought, but like most Americans I wonder if I get it.
When you think of "child of the King" in our prosperous nation that immediately brings images of all the benefits that come from having a king for a father. Prosperity. Privilege. A life of ease without problems. But today in worship, I saw a very different image.
I'm not really sure what we were singing, but all of a sudden it hit me. The King saw me and reached out and called me His child...and that is enough. Not some pretty little child....not a soft sweet newborn wrapped in a pink blanket with a look that begs to be loved...not even a talented precocious toddler that makes you laugh just to look at her. No, I saw myself as I truly felt - dirty, angry, striking out like some wild animal that feared touch, much less love. And in the midst of all of this, came the King. He saw me. He was not "put off" by my crazed appearance. He saw my need to feel loved...wanted. He reached out and called me. No, more than that. He reached out and held me. He gave me His name, made me His child, loved me and let me know I was wanted...and that is enough.
I may never do great things for the Kingdom. I think in hoping that I would I was trying to earn the love I had been given...was trying to prove that it wasn't a mistake to choose me.
I have tried to live up to the image in my head of what a king's child should be, and I have failed miserably.
I will probably never be known for my wisdom, my talent, or my beautiful appearance. I do not fit into the "right" group. I am not rich. I am not influential. I'm not even really very smart. I could go on and on about all the things I "am not" and "will never be" that we associate with someone who would be the child of a King. That's not really important. Only one thing is. I am His. He adopted me and I belong to Him. I belong. Let that sink in. I belong.
I don't have to "earn" it...I can stop striving to be noticed. He sees me. He called me His own, despite of myself. He loved me. Adopted me. Gave me His name so that I would belong....and that is enough.
That is truly enough.
Ephesians 1:3-6 (Msg)
Long before he laid down earth’s
foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his
love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided
to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took
in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his
lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.
Galatians 4:5-7 (NIV)
to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.[a] Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba,[b] Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child...