No clue what to give?

This blog is from 11 years ago, but I needed to read it again, so I decided to share it with others.

I think it just hit me why I'm NOT looking forward to the holiday - I'm not ready! I haven't gotten even one gift yet. Christmas is less than a week away and I've gotten nothing! Well, that's not completely true. I did get one gift for my daughter. I was in the store and it hit me...I got her - oh no... I'm not telling. This might be the one time she actually reads my blog! Let's just say, I can't wait to see her unwrap it and hear her laugh when she realizes what it is. It's not a big gift, but it's one that I know will bring a smile to that sweet face.

Smiles at Christmas are what we all hope for. I talked with a friend today and she is so excited about Christmas this year. She just figured out what to get for her husband and she's practically giddy with joy! She's planning just how to wrap the gift, and you can tell she's anticipating her husband's face when he opens the gift.

That's the difference, isn't it. When you have a gift for someone you love, and you know it's something special that will make their face light up with joy, you just can hardly wait for Christmas....but now that my kids are older, there simply aren't that many surprises - or smiles. Oh, my daughter would LOVE a car, but the budget just won't allow that - not even an old one. Instead, she's asked for cash so she can go shopping. Easy - but not very exciting. My son - he wants some games. Again, easy - but not too exciting. My husband...I have no clue. We probably would both be happy with a nap. See - nothing to get excited and really smile about.

I would love to see that look of absolute joy that we used to get from the kids when they were little. I watch videos of them playing with the bag the toy came in and being completely enthralled. Now it takes a lot more to get them to even crack a smile.

There have been years when the only thing I really wanted was that smile. I worked so hard to surprise and then would watch their faces to show that they knew how special the gift was. Sometimes I got it - sometimes not. They've gotten a lot tougher to buy for now that they are older. They just don't seem to notice.

That got me thinking about how long God planned our gift on that first Christmas...He'd planned it from the beginning of time. This was no ordinary gift...God gave His treasure - His Son. I wonder if He watched the face of the shepherds and saw that joy? Did He look at the wise men bringing gifts and smile to Himself? Did He watch so many others that just went on their way, not even realizing a gift had been given? What about me? God prepared this gift for ME from the beginning of time...He anticipated giving to me and watching me receive. What does He see from me?

Perhaps the joy of Christmas that I've been missing is due to not knowing what to give...and in not realizing what I have been given. There is no doubt that Christmas is a time of giving. I just have no clue what to give...and I'm beginning to think I don't realize what I have received.

John 3:16-17

The Message (MSG)

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

I'm a fighter...

I'm not sure how long ago it was that I heard the verdict...you are diabetic. My first response was "No, I'm not." To which the nurse practitioner said, "Yes, you are." This went back and forth a few times before she said, okay but whatever you need to come in tomorrow so I can show you how to give yourself injections.

There I was, at the peak of my fitness...at least I thought I was. I was running up to six miles a day, eating clean - most of the time, but with occasional symptoms I could explain away. This... I didn't know what to do with this. 

Friends were so "helpful"..." You know you could lose your legs." Yeah, that's something a runner wants to hear! "You could wind up on dialysis." Seriously people, could you just stop talking? Even the endocrinologist they sent me to said these same things! But none of what they said phased me...I knew I was a fighter, so I started fighting. And I fought well - for a while. Then I got tired. I started trying anything that gave me the promise of lower readings or even that somehow they could "cure" diabetes. By now you've probably guessed that none of them worked. And I got tired - really tired.

Then I saw a post from a friend talking about how a new fitness program she was doing had gotten her off all her blood pressure meds. I was cautiously optimistic. I was seeing how she was looking happier and fitter in ways that were clearly visible. So I decided to ask, "What are you doing?" I thought she'd recommend some pill or powder. Instead, she happily recommended that I book an appointment to talk to her health coach at Shutupeatclean. Okay, I responded as I continued to watch from the sidelines. Then one day, I decided to book an appointment. Best decision I've made in years!

I discovered what I needed in my fight - someone who could come alongside me who was knowledgeable in health and fitness and most importantly, someone who would hold me accountable. See, I've had lots of good intentions over the years - what I lacked was motivation and accountability when my motivation waned. I needed information - not information like the internet offers, in a tidal wave with some truth and a whole lot of fiction! I needed someone who could walk me through the process of reclaiming my health and give advice when I was confused. That's what I found in Shutupeatclean and Coach Brian.

I made progress - solid progress, gaining muscle as I lost fat, and developing a lifestyle of fitness. While I still take meds for diabetes, my A1c is down 2 points and I'm actually eating! No starvation diet or extreme food choices that eliminate almost all carbs. I'm exercising like I did before the diagnosis - even more. And I'm finally back to running without injuring myself. 

I went from, "You could lose your legs" to "Are you ready to beat your time in that last race? I've signed up for a Spartan run and while I know it will be a challenge, it's a challenge I'm ready to face.

The diagnosis was meant to give me a death sentence...I believe Jesus has healed me and has given me direction and help in "taking off the grave clothes" that would keep me tied down. I am a fighter, a warrior, and I'm not giving up that easily. As Coach says, I am a Dragon Slayer and I'm not backing down now.

*Post note: Fear likes to play on a person. My father lost his legs before he died. He was unable to care or feed himself. Fear can tear away at a person even when they don't realize it. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. THAT is why I'm continuing to fight...I refuse to accept the "diagnosis"!

Guilty...

This is a blog I wrote quite a few years ago, but since today is Easter, I decided to repost it. 

Good Friday. As a kid, I never could wrap my mind around how the day Jesus died on the cross could be called "good." I'm not sure I could do it as an adult either. How could anything "good" be found in that day?

Last week in Kids' Church, I taught the lesson on Palm Sunday and Jesus' entry into Jerusalem. As He entered the city, the people called out "Hosanna" which means "save us." I've taught this story many times but this time, it hit me that Jesus was there for Passover - and He had come as the sacrificial lamb. Somehow it struck me like never before. Just as He was born in a stable like the sacrificial lambs were born, He was going to the Passover as the lamb of God...a sacrifice on this day that would mark how God made a way for the Children of Israel to be spared death just before the Exodus. 

Once again, I started pondering something I've heard so many times - Jesus, who knew no sin, hung on the cross. He was not guilty... Then somewhere, I heard a shocking statement. Jesus was guilty - not with his own guilt, but with ours. Just as the lamb that was sacrificed "took on" the sins of the people, Jesus took on our sins that day. But how do you explain that to children? 

That's where the other part of our lesson came in. I wish I had thought of it, but I found it on another site. You can find the original lesson it comes from at this site: Helping kids understand Good Friday  Basically, I had my son, Levi, stand before the group to represent Jesus. In his words, "I don't look like Jesus," but he certainly looked more like Him that anyone else in the room. The lesson suggested this person wear a robe, but we couldn't find one that fit my son, so a really big red shirt would fit the bill. As it turned out, that red shirt was much more effective than any robe would have been.

As my son stood in the front of the room, the children noticed that his shirt had no spots, nothing. It was just red, like the blood of Jesus. Then they each took scraps of black construction paper and wrote one of their "sins" on it, something they had done wrong whether big or small. They came up and taped those black blotches to his shirt; before long it was covered! He then took the shirt and turned it wrong side out. The red completely covered all the sins. Like the thief on the cross that recognized Jesus for who He was, all those who gave their sin to Jesus had them covered by the blood of the lamb.

You know, I've done this lesson before and we put our sins on the cross, but this is the first time I've ever done it where I put them on a person that represented Jesus. Maybe it meant so much more to me because we used my own son as a prop...I'm certain if it had been left up to me, I'd never have allowed my son to carry all those sins of others to the cross. But there he stood, representing Jesus - covered with the "sins" of others. 

This made me look at things in a whole new light. When Jesus stumbled as He carried that cross up the hill, was it because it was so heavy, or because the sins that were now placed on Him were so heavy that the weight of them made it nearly impossible to walk? The one who was spotless was literally carrying what I had done all the way to the altar and then acted as the sacrifice that would cover them all.

I have heard the story of Jesus on the cross in so many ways, but for some reason, seeing those black blotches on that red shirt made me see things in a new light. Jesus was guilty when He hung on the cross - but the guilt was mine. He had taken it on so that I didn't have to. 

Only God could take the horror of that day and turn it into something "good." If He can do that on that day, surely He can take whatever comes my way and turn it to good, too. 

Thankful Good Friday and Easter, my friends. Like the thief on the cross that believed, our debt has been paid, and we are guilty no more.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those called according to His purpose.

Isaiah 53:12 (emphasis mine)
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Hebrews 9:28
so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

1 Peter 2:24-25 (Message) (emphasis mine)

This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step.

He never did one thing wrong,
Not once said anything amiss.

They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.

Photo by Alicia Quan on Unsplash

They call me...Guinea pig

 

This post will be about my journey with diabetes...and hopefully more.

About 12 years ago I was diagnosed as diabetic. I guess I could have titled this post, They call me diabetic, but it goes further than that. I have always cringed at being identified by the disease that has tried to define me. I remember telling the nurse practitioner that I was NOT diabetic, despite having a reading of 583 for my blood sugar. She kept saying, yes you are to which I kept responding, no, I'm NOT! Finally, she said, "Okay, but I still need you to come in tomorrow so I can show you how to give yourself insulin injections."

I quickly learned how to "count carbs" and be a "good diabetic". For a while, it worked. I was in the Honeymoon period of my diagnosis. It worked, lulling me into the idea that I knew what I was doing. Now, fast forward to the past couple of years. I was no longer, in control. In fact, it seemed that all of the experts had different advice - thus my new name - Guinea pig. 

Oh, they didn't call me Guinea pig, but that is in essence what I was. Take an A1c test - hmmmm, too high. Let's try this. First, it was medicines, then lifestyle changes, then one thing after another. I got so sick of the questions, "Are you drinking water? Cutting out sweets and breads? Walking?" Get the picture - I was a guinea pig. 

And my own research wasn't much better. Every ad that scrolled across my screen was for something different - try cinnamon, eat this, don't eat that, try this new medicine. It was exhausting. For a while, I tried Keto and had a degree of success, but it was exhausting. 

Recently, I took on a trainer - Coach Brian with Shutupeatclean. Yeah, the name pretty much says it all. Stop all the complaining and change your life. There is SO much to this program, but since I'm on the eating subject, that's the focus. 

Almost immediately I saw success! I lost weight! I felt stronger!! I even got "guns" as my students call them. And yet...still my blood sugar was spiking for no reason. Coach looked at every aspect, constantly working to find the source of the problem and kept mentioning, it might be the protein drinks you are using. To be honest, I quickly dismissed this since I "knew" what I was doing. After all, I'd been counting carbs for years! My protein drinks ranged from 0 - 4 carbs per serving. It couldn't be that. Still, he persisted bringing up that perhaps that was the issue.

Well, I finally got frustrated enough to be really honest. All my "labs" looked great, but that one important reading kept showing out in a really negative way! Coach said once again - it has to be the protein drinks. He explained it once again...and finally, I decided to be the guinea pig and try it. I got myself to a "normal reading" and then drank a shake. My blood sugar jumped up 60 points. 

Okay, but honestly I still wasn't sure...so, I waited till I had a "low" and I thought it would be the perfect time to try again. Only one variable - that's how to do an experiment with a guinea pig. One drink - and it was delicious! Again, a 60-point jump that continued to increase! Dang - looks like he was right. (I hate it when he's right.)

I often grumble under my breath that it's just not fair. Everyone else gets to eat what they want but I cannot - well, not and remain healthy. I desperately want to be "normal" but simply put, I. Am. Not. And maybe that's okay. Maybe my path is supposed to look different. Maybe being a guinea pig is part of the overall plan.

I in no way believe that God gave me diabetes - God doesn't do things like that. But He did allow it, knowing that as I turned things over to Him, He would use it for my good and His glory! And he planned ahead of time to bring those into my life that could help me overcome. My doctor, that I dearly love, and my Coach, that I love to hate. 

I can't live like others - and that's not a bad thing. Sometimes I feel like a guinea pig - I want a simple, cut-and-dried answer...but I am not living a simple, cut-and-dried life. And neither are you. We are called to be more than conquerors...and sometimes that means we have to go through a period of feeling like a guinea pig, running test after test to see what works. 

Don't be discouraged...God will provide the answers you need - when you are finally ready to hear. I don't know what your "protein drink" is - that thing that is supposed to help according to all the commercials and experts and magazines. What I do know is that God is faithful and will help you see the answers you need when you are ready. You may not get all the answers you want, but you will find the answers to your purpose and so much more when you seek...and sometimes are willing to be a guinea pig. 

Photo by Bonnie Kittle on UnsplashIt's not that God is trying to figure it out - He's trying to help you see.

Happy new year and new vision to you my friend....from a fellow guinea pig.