mean people...

I would have titled this "mean girls," but that might have been some sort of copyright infringement, so...

I'm not sure why this story came to mind this morning, but it seems to be calling out to be written, so here goes.

This true story happened when I was five years old and honestly not much different than I am now. Loud, excited, and in love with the world. I could do anything! Everyone I met was a potential new friend. And on that day, I was starting something new and exciting - dance class! I - well - my mom, had shoved my pudgy legs into tights and put on tap shoes for my next big adventure! What little girl doesn't get excited about dance! (Keep in mind, this was so long ago, I probably thought I'd be the next Shirley Temple - another little girl who was in love with life and saw everyone as a potential friend.)

I don't remember a lot of things nowadays, but this moment in time is pretty well etched in my mind. I stood in line with all the other little girls and waited for class to begin. The teacher stepped out of the room with all the other adults for some reason. Back then, we were often left alone while adults did "adult things" and were trusted to not destroy the world or each other.

I knew no one - not a good situation for a kid who likes to talk, especially to someone else. So, I did what any little kid would do. I tapped the shoulder of the girl standing beside me so I could say "Hi!" and begin my newest friendship. After all, everyone loved me!

That's when it happened. This mountain of a girl, (at least I remember her as being HUGE) turned around and said, "Watch who you're shoving!" and pushed me HARD! Maybe it was because I was wearing tap shoes or maybe I was just totally uncoordinated, I don't know, but for some reason her shove caused me to fall face forward. It all happened so fast, my hands didn't have a chance to break my fall, but no worries - I stopped my downward momentum with my face. That's right - my little five-year-old face hit that tile floor full force.

I had no idea what had just happened. I'm pretty sure I realized I didn't have a new friend, but I also thought I had done something wrong. This was NOT the reaction I expected. I pulled myself up to my feet just as the teacher came back into the room telling us to get back in line and stand up straight...so I did. I shoved down the tears and closed my mouth and stood up straight. 

I think that's when she looked at me and saw something wasn't quite right. Maybe it was the tears that threatened to overwhelm my eyes, or because for the first time in my life my mouth was closed, or maybe it was the trickle of blood that was escaping my lips, but for whatever reason, she came over and asked what was wrong. 

I don't really remember what happened after that. I know my mother came and picked me up and took me immediately to a dentist because my two front teeth had been broken off at the gum line and would have to be pulled. Not how I'd imagined my first day of becoming the next Shirley Temple would go.

So, why did this story come to mind today? Maybe it was because I'm reading about the life of David and Saul's behavior toward one who had done him no wrong made me think of it. Maybe it's because of all that is going on in the world. For whatever reason, today I'm thinking of that little girl who stood next to me in line that day. Maybe she was a nice kid just having a bad day, but in my memory, she was just MEAN.  Sort of like David encountering Saul. 

I don't know why some people are mean, but evidently, it's been going on for centuries. It doesn't have to do with the color of their skin or their political persuasions or whether they are rich or poor from what I can tell.

My husband once said people in pain are mean because they just plain hurt. Maybe that's the best explanation.

Yesterday, I gathered with a few others and with pastors of every color and denomination on the steps of our county courthouse. Just days before, those steps had been covered with protestors, but today there was only a handful of us. I guess protesting is more popular than prayer. We stood together and prayed for our city, our state, and our nation. We prayed for justice and peace. I guess in a way, we prayed for the "mean people," too. 

In all of this mishmash of thoughts the lyrics from this song came to mind. "God, You take what the enemy meant for evil and You use it for good. I'm gonna see a victory, for the battle belongs to the Lord." "I'm gonna see a victory" song 

That little five-year-old me learned a hard lesson that day. Not everyone is nice...some are downright mean. But I know this - that which the enemy meant for evil, God turns it for good. And if I "tap you on the shoulder," please don't take a swing at me. I just want to be your friend.

Genesis 50:20 New International Version (NIV)

20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

Separated...

There's a random thought that has been rolling around in my head for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure I'll be able to convey what I mean, but I pray my words are given in love.

To be honest, all that is going on overwhelms me. I have talked to God more than once saying I was ready to go home when He was ready for me. But God reminded me that I was born during this time for a reason. Perhaps we were born for such a time as this. Someone has to stand up to injustice, just as Esther did.
Esther 4:14

For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?

Never has it been more evident that we have an enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy and it is not a person, not flesh and blood. Our enemy hates us because God loves us, so he wants to destroy. The best way to do that is to separate us.

First came a pandemic that forced us to separate from each other - to isolate ourselves. The communication that we received wasn't face to face - it was filtered through news media and yes, through social media. We couldn't look each other in the eyes and see the other person's heart. We were separated and it became easier to pick off the most vulnerable.

The next part occurred with the murder of George Floyd. What should have brought us together instead has caused people to look at each other in mistrust. It reminds me of the battle that Gideon watched as the soldiers began to turn on each other. They destroyed each other and from what I see on the news, that is pretty much what seems to be happening again.
Judges 7:22

22 When the three hundred trumpets sounded, the Lord caused the men throughout the camp to turn on each other with their swords.

My thoughts traveled once again to the separation. During the Nazi occupation, they moved the Jews into areas called "ghettos" under the pretense it was for their own "protection." We can now see what a lie that was. Once they separated the people, it was easier to paint them as the enemy. This reminds me so much of what seems to be happening now. The more we are separated, the easier it is for the enemy to paint people groups as the enemy, whether based on skin color or political leanings. The enemy continues to work to separate us.

We, as children of God need to recognize the tactics of the enemy. We must actively refuse to turn on each other and instead turn to God, lifting each other up in prayer, crying out for His intervention and for His reformation and divine justice in the earth.

The government isn't our enemy. The person who has a different color skin from me is not my enemy. As hard as it is to understand, even the person shouting out hatred and slurs is not our enemy. Our enemy is not flesh and blood but he is very real and the only way we can defeat him is to turn to God and repent for OUR (not your, or my, but OUR) wicked ways. And it begins with me.

Well, I'm not being separated anymore. When you see me, I'll be wearing my mask, but look into my eyes. Feel free to talk to me. It's much more difficult to hate when we get to know each other and love each other despite of how we are different. And I will pray and do battle, not against flesh and blood but with the enemy of our souls.

We may not agree politically or about all issues or even about whether or not to wear a mask, but I will fight tooth and nail for you my brothers and sisters. I won't yell. I won't argue. I will fight on my knees.

Once again, I pray people can hear my heart. If you disagree - that's okay. Don't expect me to argue. I've got a real enemy to fight.

Photo by Jordan Rowland on Unsplash

but it's not...

Every year I choose a word to focus on (see previous post) and this year my word was "Good" - the problem is, so far this year has been anything BUT good. I'd make a joke about this year being worse than all the Sharknado movies and the Tremor movies put together, but it's just not funny. Even with the things we could make fun of, like staying inside with our families, there has been a realization that for many it was anything but fun or funny. And now this. 

I won't write my opinion in all this - it doesn't matter. Instead, I'm going to try and look at how in the world any of this can work out for "good". I know it was my word for the year and yet I just don't get it. Sort of like the year my word was "hope" and by the end of the year, hope was all we had to hang on to. So...I'm going to look at finding "good."

The first verse that came to mind was that God works all things together for my good...wait. How does that verse go EXACTLY - not from memory? Thanks to google search, I can find the exact address - it's Romans 8:28.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. That's the King James Version. Okay - but I know a lot of people that love God that are hurting right now. And angry. And confused! Maybe I'll look at some different versions.

The Message version includes verses 26 and 27, (it never gives you just PART of what has been said!) Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Well, that's a little different. "every detail in our lives of love for God" - now I'm more confused.

I found an article on the Billy Graham website, (full link here: Do all things work together... ) and this part really stood out to me: "The fifth thing is the purpose of the promise. It is about those who are called according to His purpose. What is His purpose? In Romans 8:28-29 we read, “We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son.”

That’s the key. What is the good that all things are working together for? To make us like Jesus. To be conformed to the image of His Son. There is no higher good than to be like the Lord Jesus Christ.

Many times this promise has been trivialized. For example, someone may be driving down the road and a tire will blow out. The person may say, “Oh, well, the Bible says that ‘all things work together for good.'(1) Maybe there’s a sale on tires.” That isn’t what this verse means. The good is not to make us necessarily healthy or happy but to make us holy, to make us like Jesus. If the goal of our lives is not to be like Jesus, that goal is too small. Our goal must be to be conformed to the image of God’s Son."

I once read that since I KNOW God works all things together for my good, if it isn't good then God isn't finished yet. Kind of simplistic, but it does help me hang on. Through all this, I keep asking myself how would Jesus respond? What would He do? If I can align with that, then perhaps I will become more like Him and that will be "good." 

It seems that NOTHING has been good this year, and with each day instead of better it only seems to be getting worse. All that makes me wonder - what will God do to turn all this into something that we can somehow look back on and say, "it is good"? If nothing else, 2020 is driving us to our knees in prayer and helping us clearly SEE just how much we need the Lord and revival in the hearts of people everywhere...beginning with me.

Thanks to Aaron Burden for sharing their work on Unsplash.

Just good...

Anyone who has read my blog over the years knows that each new year I choose a "word" that becomes my focus for the year. I'm no good at keeping resolutions, so having one word that becomes the focus of my year works so much better for me. 

In years past, I've chosen a variety of words and each one has proved to be perfect for that particular year. There was the year I chose the word "Hope" and that was the year that Dale lost his job when the company closed down and hope was all that carried us through. There was the year I chose the word "move" thinking it meant one thing and by the end of the year, I had moved from my teaching position at one school to a different one I had barely even heard of. 

With "words" like these in mind, I don't just choose willy-nilly. In fact, I really do try to let the words choose me. I've been pondering all this and wondering what this year's word would be when a surprising one came to mind. Not one I'd have chosen on my own, I don't think. The word is good. No, seriously. The word is "good."

Now I'm not one who is known to live my life in moderation when it comes to language or anything else. Things are "awesome" and "great" and even sometimes "audacious!" but "good" is just so..."meh". At least was my opinion until the random thoughts wheel started spinning and I thought about a Bible verse almost everyone knows. It's from Genesis when God looked at His creation and said that it was good. Every animal and plant that I can imagine and more - good? The mountains and the sea and forests and the sky filled with light and clouds and colors - good? Literally everything - good? Okay, for everything He said "very good" but still.

Maybe the word "good" is more than just good. Maybe it's time for me to stop trying to be spectacular or stupendous, or remarkable or amazing or noteworthy and simply be good. What if I live my life simply to hear my Father say, "Good"?

There are lots of other verses about being "good". The Bible is full of them! Like these:

Galatians 6:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 New International Version (NIV)

13 And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good.

Honestly, there are probably enough verses about doing "good" that I could study a different one every day this year and still not get to them all. 

So, I guess this year's word has found me and it is "good". What about you? Have you found your word for the year...or has it found you? Whatever the word is, I'm sure it will be good.

And I smile...

A resting face can say a lot. There are actually "funny" memes about different kinds of resting faces. Recently I looked at the resting face of an older friend and saw a frown etched deep into his brow, almost to the point of wondering what was he angry about. I know he wasn't. That was just the expression that had carved itself into his face over the years. 

You can see a lot in a resting face. Maybe that is why we are so drawn to the faces of sleeping infants. There is no worry, no stress, no anger - only peace.

I remember many, many, many years ago when I was reading one of those "Teen Beat" magazines that were so popular in the 70's about what my "teen idol" looked for in a girl. It might have been Davy Jones, or Donny Osmond, or David Cassidy - who remembers which one I was most in love with that week. But something from that article stuck with me ever since that day. Whichever "D" it was, he said he looked for a girl who had a smile on her face even when it was resting. 

Now mind you, most people do NOT have a smile on their face all the time. (Resist the temptation to go look in the mirror to see what your own resting face looks like. Or if you do, don't forget to come back and finish reading.) A resting face tends to be kind of...frowny. The only way to have a resting face with a smile is for you to have recently, as in the past couple of minutes, been smiling. 

Anyway, since I read that article as an impressionable teenager, I have become very aware of what my face is "saying." And, as I have gotten older, I find myself looking for more reasons to smile. It tends to hide some of the wrinkles time has etched into my visage. At least that's what I tell myself. 

Maybe that's one reason I like facebook. I watch a funny video or read a sweet story or one of those Christmas commercials from Folgers or Budweiser, and I find that I'm sitting there with a smile on my face. It's not some laugh out loud smile, but just a reminder that life is filled with little moments of happiness and hope...and the resulting smile feels good. 

I've had students ask me, "Why are you always smiling?" To be honest, sometimes it's so I won't cry in frustration, but mostly it's because I am blessed. There is Hope within me. To quote an old hymn, "I know Who holds the future, and He's watching over me." Shouldn't my face reflect that?

I'm not saying I always succeed with the smile, but as I get older I find I am more and more aware of what my face is doing. Since my face seems to have a mind of its own when it comes to aging, I can at least control how my wrinkles are arranged. Smiling is much better than makeup for hiding the ravages of time. And as Buddy the Elf says, I love smiling - smiling is my favorite!

Today, I hope you have moments that bring that sweet smile to your face, moments that bring the "laugh out loud" smile to your face, and moments that you find you are, for no particular reason, wearing a peaceful smile. Do whatever you need to do to find your smile. You'll be surprised at how good it makes you feel...as well as those around you. 

We could start a "smiling epidemic" that could take the next decade by storm...or at the very least leave our own lives feeling a little more hopeful. 

My story ends with a good note - perhaps one that will make you smile. My friend had a little child approach him with a hug and suddenly all the worry and frown that had been there vanished in an instant as a smile took its place. "And a little child shall lead them..."

Check your face - what is it doing right now? As for me, I'm smiling.

1 Peter 3:15
“Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope.”

I just realized something...

Okay, people, I have come to a realization. 
I. Am. Loud.

I know! I am as shocked as you are! Who would have guessed? 

Just kidding. Of course, I know I'm loud. What has changed, is that I have now come to realize this is simply a part of who I am. I don't always like it, but it's not something I can really change. You wouldn't go up to someone who was over 6 feet tall and tell them they should really try to be shorter, would you? But we tell people who are loud that they should be quieter all the time. Or less animated...or less them.

The thing is I now believe that my loudness is a part of who God created me to be. I know that I have been loud my entire life. For years I have tried to be "quieter" or "better" or "less" - and when I do, I am miserable. It takes constant work and before I know it I fail and once again I am, well, loud! 

As I have grown older (much older) I find that I can, at times, be appropriately quiet. I'm learning to control the gift of volume that I have been given. But sometimes, like when I am teaching, well - then I can be kind of loud! The difference is, now I have learned to accept that loud is a part of how God made me. As I reach the final years of my career, I've discovered that it might be one of my stronger gifts. It does, after all, have a way of capturing kids' attention. But, it's not always an acceptable characteristic to have.

I'm starting to understand that while the world may not accept the gifts God gives, He does so without repentance. That means He doesn't regret making you the way you are. Are you shy, or loud, or argumentative, or dramatic, or introverted, or extroverted, or an INFP, INFJ, ME or whatever the latest personality test reveals you to be? It is a part of who God created you to be. You have strengths and weaknesses that when turned over to Him can reach the lost. No matter what the world tells you, you were created for a purpose - flaws, gifts, and everything in between.

So, as I have learned to accept, if not embrace, my personality quirks, I implore others to do the same. If we believe we serve a God of purpose, then even the things about us that we consider to be a flaw are not a mistake.

I will continue to live my life out loud. I will also work to accept those who are different than me. I won't go around asking tall people to be shorter, or short people to try to be taller, or anyone to be anything other than what God created them to be.

It's a process and I'm learning. Feel free to join me on the journey.

Psalm 139:13-16 The Message (MSG)

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—You’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

Ephesians 2:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

It's about so much more...

Every time I open my facebook feed, I see another story on teacher shortages in Mississippi or how teachers are underpaid in our state. You could probably insert the name of just about any state and see the same type of story trending. Recently our state superintendent was quoted as telling a group of teachers that they needed to get behind recruiting new teachers. I read and I nod and I shake my head.

Why don't they get it? It's not about the money. It has never been about the money.

Go to any college and talk to those entering education, you won't hear any of them saying they are entering the field for the money, the lavish lifestyle, the prestige or the recognition. They certainly aren't doing it for the free time, long lunches, bathroom breaks, or test scores! Teachers enter this profession because they care. They foolishly believe in children and families and the future. 

Teachers are on the mission field. Most feel called by God to do what they do. (I'm not sure how those who don't believe in God survive the first year.) Teachers want to bridge the gap and reach every child that enters their classroom...and they beat themselves up when they find they won't reach every single one...that some will slip through their fingers and they will feel they have failed. They are human. 

When they hear of a child who moves away and they are unsure of that child's fate in the future - they lose sleep...and they pray. When they hear of a child who is going through sickness or the loss of a parent either through divorce or death, they lose sleep and they pray. When they see a child struggle to understand, they rework their lessons and try to find new ways to reach that child...and they pray. When they see a child dealing with anger or shyness or a first crush or just about any emotion that they know is painful, they pray. And yes, when test time comes, they pray. They pray they have done enough. 

The test. It's what the world seems to see. The world doesn't see that child who hated school but now comes into class with a smile because they finally feel successful. It doesn't see the timid speak, the angry reach out in compassion, or the child who had lost all hope finally look toward the future with anticipation. It only sees a number... a test score that can be influenced by lack of sleep, a poor breakfast, a headache, a fight in the car, a broken romance, a baseball tournament, or a lost friend. Just a number. 

Teachers everywhere wait on those numbers because it tells them whether or not they were a success - or a failure. The state department doesn't see little Johnny who was dealing with the news that they would be moving...again. It doesn't seem to see that little girl who wonders why she isn't as "pretty" as the world says she should be. It doesn't see the child who stayed up late listening to parents fight over money troubles...again. But teachers do. And we try to calm their fears, anxieties, worries and reassure them that they are enough, not to worry, just do their best...all the while dealing with our own fears, anxieties, and worries about the "test."

The state department seems to think that the way to raise test scores is to make it more difficult to become a teacher and all the while bemoaning the fact that we don't have enough teachers to fill the empty positions. And I won't even go into the whole teacher pay question. Because it's really about so much more than money.  Stop and recognize that teachers are pouring out their lives for their students. Ask us about our kids, not our scores. See our faces glow when we tell stories of the lives of children where we know we made a difference, watch our eyes tear up when we think of those we couldn't quite reach, and join us in laughter as we remember moments that only a teacher can understand. But please...please...don't judge us by our test scores because it makes everything else we do seem...insignificant.

So dear Department of Education, know that I have already looked over my scores...wondering what more I could have done to reach these children in the 180 days we had together. I've looked at each and every child and celebrated over those who grew and worried over those who did not. I see their faces. I know their lives...and what you are looking at is a test, only a test. I'm looking at so much more.

Proverbs 22:6 

Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.

For those looking at becoming teachers...fair warning. It's the toughest job you'll ever love.

James 3 The Message (MSG)

3 1-2 Don’t be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you’d have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.