It's been quite a while since I've written anything. I'd like to blame it on the school year starting, but in truth I believe it was something more.
About 9 weeks ago I had one of "those weeks". You know the kind; everywhere you turn it seems like you run into a wall. I had too much month left at the end of my money, the kids needed glasses, shoes, etc, etc. etc. Normally, I do pretty well at the juggling act, but sometimes...well, sometimes I'm just an explosion looking for somewhere to happen.
It was a really HOT day (like we have anything else in South Mississippi), and I had just one too many things go wrong...and I lost it. I got angry at someone and while I was "polite" as all good Southern girls know we should be, I made my displeasure known. It felt good....for about 3 hours. Then, as I had time to cool down, I could hear the unmistakable voice of the Lord telling me I needed to go back and apologise.
Now, I of course worked to "justify" what had happened by going over all the things that had gone wrong and how that person had been in the wrong with what they had done. I could almost picture the Lord sitting there, calmly letting me spout off, and when I was finished those words came back again. You need to apologise. But God! Even as I reasoned my way through it all, I knew that nothing else would do short of that apology.
That's where things started getting tough. School was back in session and I was pretty much "stuck" from early morning till after dark each day and there was no way I could get to the place of business to say I was sorry. They had "normal" hours and as any teacher can tell you, there's no such thing as "normal" hours the first few weeks of school.
I would think of the incident at the weirdest times, knowing what I needed to do. Unfortunately, I could never seem to remember to go on those rare afternoons when I could leave the school before 5. That is until yesterday. Yesterday we had staff development, so I knew I'd be able to leave the school during lunch and make my move. Of course, when lunch time came, about three different things happened to slow me down and it was looking like another opportunity was about to be lost. This time, however, I was DETERMINED to right the wrong. I managed to rush into the business and say my apologies and still get back to the school relatively on time.
Now, like all my blogs, there is a random thought in here. As the weeks crawled by, I noticed that until I obeyed, the creative juices just didn't flow. The "Random Thoughts" that had come so easily had almost dried up. Now, perhaps it was a guilty conscience, or perhaps it was that the gifts just could not flow with this huge unresolved bolder sitting at the mouth of the stream. There was a slight trickle, but I could tell that something was definitely blocking the flow. Once I did what I knew I needed to do, the flow began to slowly return. I don't necessarily feel some great weight lifted, but I can tell that obedience has done some sort of work in me.
In all this, I have hopefully learned a few things. I wish I was better able to handle the daily stress of life, but the truth is - I can't. No one can. Your buttons are going to get pushed in this life, almost like someone going up to a gumball machine and shaking it to see what comes out. The only thing I can do is to make sure that I fill my "gumball machine" with the fruit of the spirit so I'm not embarrassed when it comes spilling out!
To be honest, I'm not doing a really great job of that right now.....but that's for another blog.