And then came Monday...

You know, one of the toughest parts of writing this blog is walking it out. I mean, most of these posts come from whatever is going on in my life and sometimes that gets messy!

Take my last post for example, "Scared No More." It seemed simple enough. I felt like I was doing pretty good at this whole running to the Father and resting in His arms. I could clearly hear His voice prompting me to trust Him...and then came Monday.

When I say it was a rough day, that doesn't even begin to cover it. Little did I know when I got up that morning just how my faith would be tested. Now, I know God doesn't tempt us, but I'm pretty sure He does a lot of testing. It's that whole sifting process that Jesus told Peter about, and trust me - it's not comfortable. I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that I had a couple of questions for God. I mean, I knew I'd heard Him on Sunday but what was the deal with Monday?

Then I read a post by a fellow blogger that hit me right between the eyes. Here's a quote from her blog: {Lord, forgive me for my unbelief. Show me how to have true faith; believing in the unseen, despite my circumstances. Your word says that what I say flows from what is in my heart (Luke 6:45b). Change my heart. Where I have spoken death over my situation; forgive me. Transform my thinking today so that I will not be separated from You because of unbelief. Examine my heart, and if I don't recognize my own unbelief, gently show me, and lead me to repentence. You know what is in the darkness, because the light dwells with you (Daniel 2:22). In Jesus Name, set us free from unbelief today}. http://www.jessicakirkland.com /

There is was in black and white....I didn't believe. Oh, I SAID I believed, but did I really? I knew I was safe in the Father's arms - so why was I still worrying? I knew He had promised that He would take care of things - so why wasn't I resting? I knew He could be trusted with every part of my life from my family to my finances - so why did I have this knot in my stomach?

In the process of all that was happening that seemed like it just couldn't be from God, the layers of my heart were being peeled back and truth was being revealed. Had I never had my faith tested, I would not have known just how much I didn't believe and God wouldn't have been able to increase my faith. God never reveals something to us that He isn't ready and willing to fix if we'll let Him. He loves me so much that He is unwilling to allow me to live in this state of unbelief (where I only THINK I am trusting Him.)

I want to truly be able to rest in my Father's arms. I want to be able to look fear in the face and laugh. Let's be honest, I want to be able to look my check book in the face and laugh!

I know I heard my Father say, "Trust Me." I guess that means even on a Monday.

Luke 22:31-34 "Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start."
³³Peter said, "Master, I'm ready for anything with you. I'd go to jail for you. I'd die for you!"
³⁴Jesus said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Peter, but before the rooster crows you will have three times denied that you know me."