Saturday, February 9, 2013

Throwing in the towel...

Okay. I give up. This week has "whupped" me and I'm done. The promise I made myself to workout out every day for at least 30 minutes for 100 days met its end yesterday when I just didn't have it in me to even take off my work shoes, much less put on my workout ones. I gave up. Kaput. Finished. Done.

It had been a rough week. Rougher than most. My sweet daughter turned 18 on Monday and instead of having a party, she had a wreck. A big one. When we got there, what I thought was going to be a little fender bender (I imagined having to drive my old truck with a new dent in it and was a bit aggravated,) I instead found a much different scene.

Thankfully, my daughter and her friend are fine. A night in the hospital for observation was just that - a night of observation. Other than a "boot" and a little soreness, she is fine. I am so very thankful for that. But honestly, I knew she would be. I have never had a problem trusting that she is in God's hand and that she'll be okay. (Okay - so I've had problems with it sometimes, but not this time.) I just knew she was okay.

My truck is another matter. It is totaled. 

You might wonder why, if my daughter is okay, that the truck would make me throw in the towel. Because the truck hit me in my area where my trust is weakest. I have trouble trusting for finances. There - I said it. 

You know, my pastor told us as we prepared for our mission trip to Cambodia that the enemy would hit us in our weakest area. I knew immediately what that would be for me, but since I knew God was leading me toward this trip, that somehow the money for it would come through. I really didn't expect this. 

When my paycheck went down after the first of the stomach started to tighten. When my son came home with the information for his next show-choir trip, it tightened a little more. I still managed to keep on smiling and trusting - okay...maybe my trust was starting to waver a bit. I looked at the upcoming expenses for the year....a little bit tighter still. Now this.

I made it through Monday night, and Tuesday, and the rest of the week. But when Friday came...I was done. I was tired. I was supposed to meet a friend for a run, but my son had to be one place and my daughter needed to be another and now we were down to two cars and it was like we were back to when they were 11 and 14 and depending on us to take them EVERYWHERE! When I finally stopped...there simply was no gas left in me. (And not much left in the car...did I mention gas prices went up?)

Day 45 of my workout did not happen. I didn't care. I just wanted to hide from the world for a while. Being tired will do that to you, you know. While I wanted to keep my promise to myself and at least get on the treadmill, I just didn't have it in me. 

Then today...the sun came up and it was another day. Another chance to trust and get it right.

I got up, put on my workout gear and headed to the gym. Did I "feel" like working out. No...not really. But today, I picked up the towel again. I needed to trust God and that meant getting back into my normal routine and NOT trying to disappear from the world.

Will I get it perfect? Nope....pretty sure I won't. Am I still scared? More than anyone knows. Do I have any idea what tomorrow holds? Not a clue. But I can trust God. He has already traveled this road ahead of me and has made a way...even if I can't see it right now.
I think we all feel the need to "throw in the towel" now and then. The key is after we do, we have to be sure we pick it back up.

Oh...and I'm still going to Cambodia. I'm just glad I'm not having to count on my busted up truck to get me there.

Isaiah 54:17 
No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

To Cambodia and Back - This will take you to my fund raising website where you can find out more.

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