Saturday, April 20, 2013

Making sense of the dream...

The other day, I came home from work totally exhausted. I wanted to go for a workout, but I knew if I didn't close my eyes for just a few minutes I'd never make it there. So I took a short nap. Really short. Less than 20 minutes I think....and I had a dream.

Have you ever had one of those dreams that is so vivid and clear and when you woke up you just KNEW it meant something? I'm not saying it was prophetic or anything, but I KNEW it had meaning. Now I'm trying to make sense of it all.

In this dream, I'm not sure exactly where I was - maybe Africa? (This of course would have to be based on PICTURES I've seen of the place since I've never actually been there.) Anyway, I was trying to make a decision whether to go on or go back. Now this part of the dream is kind of hazy. I'm not sure where "go on" meant or where "back" actually was. Finally, I decided to "go back". I had no clear direction so that was the only thing that made sense.

My driver was waiting for my answer. I say "driver" but this person was so much more. He was close...a, closer than that, but I still can't say who he was. I said something like, "I guess I'll go back," and climbed into the jeep. It was one of those safari looking jeeps you see in the movies. The strange part was that the "driver" and someone else climbed up on top to do the driving. I sat all alone in that jeep. 

The jeep started up and began moving....but it wasn't headed back. It was headed off the edge of a cliff! It wasn't a huge cliff, but I was looking straight down at the oncoming gravel! I was about to yell, "Wait! Wait! You're going the wrong way!" when the front of the jeep picked it was caught in a draft and it started to soar! I was flying! I could hear the driver say one thing..."uncertain. You were uncertain." (Maybe the word was unsure...why is it that dreams escape us so quickly?)

I looked up toward the sky and yelled at the driver, "THANK YOU!!!!" I felt such a huge relief! I knew he was right - I didn't really want to go that way and I had been rescued! Then I woke up.

Like most dreams, this one is pretty strange. Unlike most dreams, I woke up feeling so light and calm. I felt relief!

I still didn't know what to do, but now I felt a peace that I could trust that God had this. He knows what is best for me and since I am putting it in His hands, it will be okay. Better than okay. I won't crash - I'll fly!

Fast forward to the very next day. I was still kind of "flying" with my feelings, I even had a spring in my step! Then I got the news. The door I had so thought that God was leading me toward had closed. To be honest, I had heard through the grapevine that it probably had, but that day I learned it was definitely closed. I hadn't even scored a chance to interview. I was, at least in my own mind, totally ignored. Invisible.....and I could see the ground closing in.

It is here where I'm supposed to remember the dream and just brush it off...but it still hurt. Worry started to creep in. Tears hovered behind my eyes just waiting for a chance to jump out and ruin my makeup. I wondered if I had heard God at all. Had I wasted the past year? What was it all for? 

Oh, the "mature, rational" me knows it's all okay. God never lets anything go to waste and I've grown a lot this year. The two year old in me, however, wants to sit down and pout. Whispers of "worthless" and "not good enough" and "you'd have failed anyway" crowd my thoughts. 

I find myself looking at the ground and thoughts of the coming crash fill my head.

The dream, well it seems like just a dream; but I know it was something more. I will choose to look up and shout "THANK YOU," knowing that the One who is driving isn't going to let me fall. He knows the desires of my heart even when I don't. He knows what lies ahead and He has made a way...even where there seems to be no way. It may look like a cliff, but it's actually just the first step in flying.

Don't know what you face today. Maybe, like me, it is a disappointment that looks like the road has run out. Maybe it looks like the front of the car is already over the edge of the cliff and you're just waiting on the inevitable crash that follows. Like me, maybe you are battling your own thoughts and worries. If so, then I invite you to do what I plan to do. 

 Look up and shout, "THANK YOU!" Our Father knows how to make this jeep fly. 

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 46:1 (MSG)

46 God is a safe place to hide,
    ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,

Exodus 14:15-16
And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me?... Lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea. - 

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