Saturday, March 12, 2016

I'm not ready...

Summer is getting closer and as a teacher I can say, I AM READY! Oh, my body isn't ready, and my plans aren't ready, but I am! I am SO ready.

But for other things in life, I am so NOT ready.

This summer my children will both move out. My daughter will be moving in with some friends for her first "place" and my son will be headed off to college. (I will not go down that whole, "where did the years go" stream of thought, but I do wonder how it passed so quickly.)

I remember longing for children for so many years, hoping for them. I was so ready - I thought. I was totally NOT ready for the challenges that came with raising kids. Thankfully, God has been more than able when I was not - which was most of the time. Now they are young adults...and again I'm not ready.

Oh, I'm ready to let them grow and become all they need to be. My daughter has become such an amazing young woman and my son...well, he is pretty amazing, too. Let's just say that the words of a friend, "God allows teenage boys to be so difficult so it won't hurt as much when they move out" is proving to be true. So, I am looking forward to their move in many ways...but not ready at the same time.

Most of all, I'm not ready to be old. Before anyone tries to tell me that I'm not that old, realize that I do have a mirror and I have looked into it. And thanks to "Time Hop" I get to see further evidence of the ravages of time. I'm not sure if parenting or teaching has taken such a toll on me, but those gray hairs, wrinkled skin, and tired expression didn't happen overnight, even if it seems like they did.

We spend our lives planning for things like "What we will do when we grow up" or "when we marry" or "when we have kids" and some smart people even plan for retirement...but I'm not sure any of us plans to grow old. It just sort of sneaks up on you like some venomous snake and digs it's poison into you as you innocently pass by on the trail of life. Next thing you know, you look like your parents - or worse, your GRANDPARENTS!

I won't lie. I don't like this whole getting older stuff. My body doesn't work right, my memory is fleeting at best and the world keeps changing faster and faster and I'm still just trying to master the last great "new thing". Who am I kidding? I'm just now got a handle on texting, I don't even have a clue about the rest. The other day my daughter "face timed" me. She found it hilarious that I held the phone up to my ear and all she could see was a black screen...and my hair. The days I used to dread of someone being able to see me in my pj's without makeup while on the phone have become a reality...and to think some people carry their phones into the restroom! 

See, I am old...and I am simply not ready for it. But like most things in life, ready or not here it comes. My only comfort can be found in the Lord. He promised that ALL the days of my life were prepared before I'd even lived one day. (Ps 139) So whether I am ready or not, God is. This is a part of His plan.

There is a song that says God makes all things beautiful. It's hard to believe that He can make this stage of my life "beautiful" - especially when I look in the mirror. But if God has a plan, I know it is for my good and His glory...what could be more beautiful than that? Old dreams once thought to be long dead and gone are being promised anew. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready for that either!

So ready or not...the adventure continues. Guess God's not done with us "older" people yet. That's good news for the weary soul.
Psalm 139: 15 - 18 (Msg)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

    God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

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