I am (still) Iron Man...

Today I took one of those "Face book, Which character are you?" quizzes. I got Iron Man. At first I was pretty happy - he is my favorite of the Avengers, then I remembered a blog I wrote about 6 years ago. Decided to give it a revisit since I haven't had the time (or inspiration) to write anything lately. 

Hope you enjoy this "blast to the past."

I took my kids to see Iron Man this weekend, and other than some objectionable “womanizing” scenes at the very beginning, it was pretty good. There’s the whole ‘bad guy realizes the folly of his ways and turns good’ kind of message. I was surprised to the modern day references that seemed so much like they were pulled from the front page headlines. The horrors of war were, well, real. But that’s not the purpose of this blog. This blog deals with the closing line of the movie.

Spoiler alert – for those who haven’t seen the movie, I may give away the ending here!
Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog. At the very end of the movie, after Tony Stark has defeated the bad guy (at least we hope he has), he is about to go into a press conference. Just before he goes out, he is given an iron clad (sorry for the ‘iron’ pun) alibi as to where he was when the city witnessed this cataclysmic battle between the huge bad guy iron man and the much smaller, but far more resourceful, real Iron Man. All he has to do is stick with the story and his identity remains a secret; he can continue to do good and no one will ever know that Tony Stark and Iron Man are one in the same. Just read the cards. That’s all he has to do; read the cards. Of course, he doesn’t follow the plan. (Has Tony Stark ever done things according to plan?) In a flurry of words, Tony Stark blurts out that he is Iron Man. In fact, he inadvertently refers to himself as a super-hero in the process. That is the story of this blog.

That last scene of the movie really bothers me, probably because it hits so close to home. All I could think of as I watched was, “Shut up, you idiot, shut up!” It was as if I was watching an exaggerated version of myself. As a Christian, I know there is truly no good thing within me except Jesus. In myself, I am no different than the first Tony Stark, the one who lived for his own pleasure alone. But occasionally, I am able to see God do wonderful things through me, in spite of myself. Through His mercy and grace, He allows me to play a part in what He is doing on the earth. To be able to share His love, His mercy, His power with others who are desperate for a Savior is so amazing. Then, I am given the perfect opportunity to slip quietly into the background and just watch….problem is, there’s too much Tony Stark in me to do that. I find myself wanting to blurt out, “I am Iron Man.” I want to call attention not to God, but to myself. That part of man that wants desperately to be noticed screams out. Even though I tell myself, “Shut up, you idiot, shut up!” I continue on. And in an instant, the beauty of the moment is tainted by my own selfish ambition.

But, there is hope that this is slowly changing. Some would say wisdom comes with age. For me, I think it’s just finally starting to sink in through my thick skull. Say no more than needed, allow God to work and then quietly continue on. As Joyce Meyers says, "It's really not about me." Hopefully, I'm finally starting to learn. No, I’m not iron man. I’m just blessed enough to have been allowed to be a part of what God is doing. For a moment, I was used for something far greater than myself. That feeling is golden….and no moment of iron can compare.

God made.......

This is a re-post of one of my first blogs. Today my daughter turns 19....she's not a baby anymore. My, how time flies.

We have always known what a blessed family we were. Since our daughter entered our lives through adoption over 13 years ago, we have been a family living with the constant reminder of God’s grace toward us. When we were blessed three years later with her baby brother, we knew life would never be the same......


Most families begin the same way, man and woman fall in love, get married and have children. For us however, things didn’t follow the pattern they were supposed to. I met my husband in Jr. College. He was sitting on the air conditioner - right above the sign that said “Do not sit on the air-conditioner” and it was love at first sight. Of course, it took us 5 more years to get to the married part. Soon after we married, we decided to start our family…only things didn’t go according to plan. Things rarely go according to my plan.

Our story isn’t unique, many couples go through the heart-ache of discovering that having a baby isn’t an option for them. Since we realized that the love in our heart didn’t require that the child be “flesh of our flesh”, we decided to adopt. Unfortunately, the adoption fell through and we found ourselves heartbroken and questioning God. I didn’t understand why God wasn’t hearing our prayers….why it seemed that the world was crashing down around our shoulders and there was nothing we could do except ache. Life lost its color and joy. Laughter left my heart for a very long time. God did slowly heal the hurt, but there was still that empty space in me that longed for a child. Since I wasn’t willing to be hurt like that again, I often said that God would have to send a telegram telling me Himself that we were to adopt again. Eight years later that telegram came in the form of an invitation to a Bethany Christian Services banquet.

At that banquet, we heard adoptive parents speak, a birth mom speak, and we saw countless pictures of happy children who had found their forever families. Before the night was over, we knew that we were on the road to adoption once again. Nine months later, our daughter came into our home. With her came laughter like refreshing water to a thirsty soul. I never knew how much I could love someone until I held her in my arms. I also realized what a sacrifice her birth mother had made in choosing adoption and I prayed for her….I still do.

As our daughter grew, we were blessed with joy that words could not express. She was and is the apple of our eye. We talked wherever we went and she was becoming quite expressive with her language. As we would drive, I’d point out the beautiful colors in the sky and ask her, “Who made the sky?” She would respond, “God made the sky.” I just knew that we had a child prodigy on our hands.

At the park, I’d point out the flowers and ask, “Who made the pretty flowers?” Her response would be, “God made the flowers.” What a joy! My child was so smart!

When we’d see butterflies, I’d point out their beautiful colors and ask, “Who made the butterflies?” She’d answer, “God made the butterflies.” Obviously, my child was destined to become a spiritual giant!

Then one day, I walked into the living room to find the floor covered with crayons! I put my hands on my hips and said, “Who made this mess?” She looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said very matter-of-factly, “God made the mess.”

I still laugh when I think of that day, but her words make me realize afresh and anew just what a miracle working God we serve. Through all the turmoil, He brought laughter. He gave us hope where there had been only heartache. Where there was emptiness, He brought fullness of joy. Where there were wounds, He brought healing. He truly did give me the oil of joy for the ashes of mourning. Though I did not deserve it, He gave us the most precious gift and He did what no one else could do.

No, God didn’t make the mess….but God certainly can take the mess and make a miracle.

I do it! I do it!

Tonight I made a quick run to the grocery store to get supplies for lunches. I gathered my few items and then as I rounded the corner, I saw a mom with her young son standing at the meat counter. He was so small that he had to stretch to make his pudgy little hands reach the handle of the buggy. Mom was looking at the meat, trying to make a decision. He had other ideas.

"I push, Mommy. I push! I can do it! Move your hand Mommy! I can do it!"

That patient mom just kept browsing the display, keeping her hand on the buggy so it did not move. "I haven't gotten what we need yet, son."

As I turned onto the next aisle, I could still hear that little voice saying, "No, Mommy! I CAN do it! I push!"

And I felt that unmistakeable nudge from God...that kid's a lot like me.

How often have I pushed, wanting to go forward, not recognizing that God hasn't put into my "buggy" the supplies I will need for the journey? I think God is being slow, but He's simply making sure I have what I need before I impulsively push ahead. I want to "do something" and God is saying, "Wait."

I imagined that little boy pushing that cart all the way through the store, up to the cashier, and finding it empty. 

I don't want to do that in my life. I want to make sure to wait till God has filled my "buggy" with what I need for what lies ahead and till I hear God's voice say, "Now you can push..." 

You can learn a lot at the grocery store.

Habakkuk 2:3 ESV

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Isaiah 40:31 ESV 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 27:14 ESV

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! 

Galatians 6:9 ESV 

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Facing a giant...

Today, David and the giant have been on my mind. 

We all know the story. It is a nursery favorite and is alluded to throughout literature and conversation on a regular basis. Even during football season, we often hear of a "David vs. Goliath" confrontations. We know the story...but have we ever put ourselves into David's shoes....I mean sandals?

Stop for a moment and imagine, not the moments when David is in the field watching sheep, ignored by those with "important" jobs, but the moment he stands looking at that giant. Imagine not the moments he'd spent being the "little brother" of warriors, but when he steps out of the crowd and makes those first steps. Not the moments when he stands before the king rejecting the armor that doesn't fit, but the moment when he feels the breeze blowing against his bare arms and legs, perhaps carrying the stench of that giant he is about to face. Not the moment when he said, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied" but the moment he first stood on that battle field.

It is this moment that is on my mind today. The moment after David has said yes to the battle. The moment after he dared tell his brothers that someone needed to face the enemy. The moment after he has talked with his leader and said, "Yes, I will take on the job." This moment....when he stands looking at the sheer size of the giant and he swallows. Does he think, as I often find myself doing, "What was I thinking?" Does he even mutter under his breath, "Dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into?!?!"

Ever feel that way? You have said yes to a job that is far bigger than you thought it was. You have taken on a responsibility that you know God led you to, but now you look at it and wonder if maybe there's still time to change your mind. (Of course you can't - God led you here and you know it's right...but still you wonder!) You see the unbelievably immense size of the task that lies before you and you think, I'm gonna die...maybe not physically, but career-wise, socially, or at least find my reputation wounded beyond repair. 

So why in the face of all this does the thought come, "that's right where God wants you...."
I know that I've been in "this place" so many times. In WAY over my head - in my job, in my parenting, in my marriage, in my fiances, in my life. I've found myself standing there, facing a giant and thinking, "What have I gotten myself into?????" I am at a loss. I really don't have a clue how to do this, how to fix it, how to kill the giant that threatens to destroy me. What was I thinking?!?!

I wonder if David felt this way; if he wanted to turn and run. We always think of him as so filled with courage that he didn't hesitate, but did he? Did he for a moment wish the ground would swallow him up? Did he wish that God would somehow make the problem just go away? I know I would have....I HAVE.

I think our young hero did feel those things, at least a little. But instead of running, he stood there and reminded himself of all the times before when God was faithful...the lion, the bear, and now - the giant. 

I don't know what "giant" you face today. Maybe it's something that would seem small to others, but to you it towers like Goliath, breathing its intimidating breath in your direction...laughing...mocking...waiting for you to give up. Be like David. Remind yourself of the lion and the bear. (Oh my, how huge must Goliath have been to make a lion and a bear seem like practice???) Take a step, knowing that you can't, but God CAN. It's really not all up to you. It's up to Him and He is able. Afraid you might be "embarrassed" if you step out and God doesn't come through? David would have been a great deal more than embarrassed...he'd have been DEAD! Step out anyway. (Just had a funny thought. I wonder if when the stone hit Goliath, were his eyes "opened" so that he could see Jesus standing in front of David, holding that slingshot?)

It's in those Goliath moments that we start to realize, it's really not about us anyway. We recognize that we are NOT able. We know that the giant we face is far greater than any little slingshot we might be holding. We have a choice...trust God or run. Run and the giant laughs at you. Trust God and watch the giant crumble.

I don't pretend to have this down pat. I have faced giants many times, shaking in my tennis shoes and wondering if God would come through this time. I'm facing a couple of them right now! I have to continually remind myself of the dead lions and tigers and bears - oh my! And I look at my giants again to find that they're not so huge after all. In fact, they seem to be shrinking. Could it be because finally I stopped looking at the giant compared to myself and started looking at it compared to my God?

How big is your giant? Does it matter? Our God is bigger still.

Take a deep breath, focus on the faithfulness of God, and watch Goliath fall.

1 Samuel 17 - David and Goliath (Message version)

2 Chronicles 20:14-17 (MSG) (Emphasis mine)

^14-17 Then Jahaziel was moved by the Spirit of God to speak from the midst of the congregation. (Jahaziel was the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah the Levite of the Asaph clan.) He said, “Attention everyone—all of you from out of town, all you from Jerusalem, and you King Jehoshaphat—God’s word: Don’t be afraid; don’t pay any mind to this vandal horde. This is God’s war, not yours. Tomorrow you’ll go after them; see, they’re already on their way up the slopes of Ziz; you’ll meet them at the end of the ravine near the wilderness of Jeruel. You won’t have to lift a hand in this battle; just stand firm, Judah and Jerusalem, and watch God’s saving work for you take shape. Don’t be afraid, don’t waver. March out boldly tomorrow—God is with you.”

Don't fail me, Mrs. Sumrall...

It was an innocent joke made in an email response. Like most of us, in typing a message response via facebook, a former student had misspelled a word or two and used incorrect punctuation. I could almost hear his laughter as he typed, "Don't fail me, Mrs. Sumrall." So why did that one phrase stick with me days later?

Perhaps it's because I've been thinking about my own children and wondering where did the time go. Maybe it's that nagging feeling of failure that I get when I realize how many opportunities I've missed to live life, waiting for there to be more money or time or whatever lame excuse I wore shackled around me like a weight. Maybe it's because I recognize all the times I have failed - not only those around me, but myself as well.

We all fail, every single one of us. In fact, there is only one who never fails - God. Spouses, parents, children...and yes, even teachers, will fail us. Worst of all, we fail ourselves...but God is still always there. He never wavers. He never lets us down.

Oh, we may THINK He has let us down when life doesn't go according to our plans...just like some of my students talk about that mean old teacher who "failed" them. They conveniently forget the papers they left undone or the nights they should have taken the time to study but chose instead to watch tv, or even the times in class that they decided to pass notes (or texts) to a friend instead of paying attention. You get the picture. We pretty much accuse God of failing us when in fact, once again we did it to ourselves. 

Still He waits there, patiently, ready to take our hand and walk with us through the failure. 

But what about....and all of us could rattle off a long list of things in life that have just not been fair. I get it. Had more than a few of those myself. But it wasn't God that failed us. Maybe it was someone else, maybe it was ourselves, maybe it was simply life. 

The thing is - this is sort of our classroom. I often tell my students if they don't understand something - ASK! Sometimes they can ask those around them, but sometimes the only one who can help them is the teacher...and sometimes as the teacher I don't give the answer directly but allow the student to work through what is in front of them. I know I have students who want me to "just tell them what to put down on the paper." They want me to do the work for them...but that's not what teachers do. They instruct, they guide, they help, and the student works it out. 

Like my students we're constantly learning, growing, and yes sometimes failing...and sometimes it seems that the answer won't come this side of heaven; but through it all, we're not alone. In the midst of our mess, we have a teacher. Better than that, we have a Savior! God is there. He never leaves us...even when we fail.

So, asking me not to "fail you" is a pretty useless request...because I will. I fail students all the time (and I don't mean in the grade book!) I have bad days, weeks, years - I am human. I fail my children and my husband and my friends. I failed my parents when they were still alive...that one stings most of all, cause there are no more second chances for make-up work there. Because of this, I choose to cling to the rock of my salvation Who is never moved by the storms of life that surround me. There is nothing more profound that I can say other than Jesus is the teacher Who never fails His students...not even one.

Here's a link to a song that always encourages me...Your love never fails

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The Grammys, doughnuts, and making a choice

I notice there has been a lot of talk lately about the Grammys - specifically about Natalie Grant leaving and her reasons why. Then, this morning I read a blog post by Mandisa as to why she didn't even attend the Grammys this year. Both ladies had, in my opinion, solid reasons for their actions. Neither condemned others - they left or didn't attend because they felt it was the right thing to do for them. Then, this morning I read a devotional (that had been written LONG before any Grammy performance hit the stage) that sort of addressed the same thing - what we spend out times viewing.

All this has me thinking. There are some things in life that are like roads I just don't need to go down. Take for example food. Early on in my journey as a diabetic, I sat in a class where the instructor told us there was no such thing as "good" or "bad" foods. While I completely understood what she was saying, I spoke up and wholeheartedly disagreed! Some foods are nothing but poison to our bodies - and for me at least, highly addictive! All it takes is one step and before I know it I am awash in a sea of sugar and the resulting negative effects! While I may say, "I'll just have a half a doughnut - that's not so bad", I know I am lying. Once that "half" crosses my lips I am like an addict looking for my next fix! I know that is a bit of an exaggeration - but only a little bit!

I convince myself that it's "safe" and a little won't hurt. I am reminded of the student I saw once who was having a high blood sugar episode - the second one I'd seen her have in two weeks. Seems that since her numbers were so good that morning, she'd taken advantage by having pancakes and syrup for breakfast. Seriously? Just because you are doing good you think you can overdose and it won't hurt? You'll just "adjust your meds"? Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Needless to say, she had an extremely high number and was then trying to figure out how to bring her levels back down to earth. I understand....been there myself, and not just with my blood sugar!

Obviously, all this got me to thinking about my "levels" in other areas of my life. It's not just the food I take into my body that affects my life, but also what I take into my mind and my spirit. I try to live my life by the verse that says whatsoever things are honest, pure, lovely, of a good report - think on these things. But it's just so dog-gone easy to come home at the end of a hard day and plop down in front of the TV or computer and veg out. I take that first bite and before I know it, I've spent hours doing nothing but filling my mind and spirit with what could at best be called junk food. At worst, it's poison.

As I write this, I am preaching at no one other than myself. I am admitting that I am so easily led that it is shameful. I take one step and before I know it I've gone down a road I never intended. I don't think I'm the only one. When I was a kid, TV didn't even show Lucy and Ricky in the same bed! (This could explain why I didn't figure out for years where Little Ricky came from!) Now, we get more information in a 30 second commercial than I EVER wanted to know! Progress? I'm not so sure. I do think it's a sign that we started down a road we never intended and found ourselves deep in enemy territory with no clue how to get out. Some have even convinced themselves that they are still walking in the light despite the fact that they can barely see.

I applaud Natalie Grant and Mandisa for recognizing that they were looking down a road they didn't want to be on. They took a step to turn around and not expose themselves to things that they believed would be harmful to their own minds, hearts, and spirits. One of them said something along the lines of not being able to un-see these things. They did not tell others what they should or should not do, but simply recognized that this was wrong for them. Many will be critical, but that's a bit like telling a diabetic they are wrong for not eating a sugar filled doughnut with sprinkles on top! We all have to make choices and recognize what is "poison" to us.

I need to find that strength inside myself. No, I'm not simply talking about walking away from the doughnuts. Honestly, I still do not have even that! If they are in my house, I will eat one...make that three or four. My best bet is to stay away and not go near those delicious devils! I always regret it when I eat them anyway. The sweetness of the moment is always overshadowed by the aftertaste of regret (and that weird taste of yeast and fat!) 

I need to find the strength to recognize and walk away from the things that fill my mind and heart with junk as well. Maybe I could start a group. "Hi! My name is Donna and I am an entertainment-aholic." Or maybe I should stop reaching for the remote and first reach for my Bible.

I've got lots to "chew on" this morning...which is a good thing because since we're experiencing a rare "iced-in" event, I'm stuck at home with LOTS of time on my hands. Yesterday I spent it eating and entertaining myself into a stupor. Today I think I'll turn around and try a different path...one that has more LIGHT! 

Note: This thought hit me after first posting. Maybe instead of feasting on what the world offers, I should reach for some fruit - specifically the fruit of the spirit.

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

1 John 2:15-16 (VOICE)

¹⁵ Don’t fall in love with this corrupt world or worship the things it can offer. Those who love its corrupt ways don’t have the Father’s love living within them. ¹⁶ All the things the world can offer to you—the allure of pleasure, the passion to have things, and the pompous sense of superiority—do not come from the Father. These are the rotten fruits of this world. 

1 John 1:6-7 (VOICE)

⁶ If we say we have an intimate connection with the Father but we continue stumbling around in darkness, then we are lying because we do not live according to truth. ⁷ If we walk step by step in the light, where the Father is, then we are ultimately connected to each other through the sacrifice of Jesus His Son. His blood purifies us from all our sins.

Lost?

Today I was listening to a dynamic speaker, Christine Caine (you can find a link to the message at the end of this blog), and she was sharing about the lost sheep. She mentioned that we have the wrong idea about the "lost sheep". We get the idea that they are bad! They aren't bad, they are lost! (For this blog, by lost sheep, I am referring not as much to those who have never been a part of the flock as I am to those who are already a part of the body of Christ, but have lost their passion.)

That lost sheep didn't get up one day and decide to separate from the flock. They just put their head down and were eating and when they looked up, everyone was gone! She compared this to people, saying lost people are like that - they didn't intend to get separated from God, but they were busy dealing with bills, trying to get through life, and they were preoccupied. Next thing they knew, they were lost! This immediately brought to mind a recent field trip I took with our students.

We went to a nearby city to visit two different museums with 3 bus-loads of students. It was noisy, fun, and more than a little chaotic. As always when I am with a large group of students, I am on alert. I feel my job is make sure everyone else is safe (and hopefully not terrorizing those around us!)

On this particular field trip one of my students, who is in a wheel-chair, was on my bus. Now, there were adults who were helping make sure she got off the bus, strapped into the chair, etc. but for some reason I felt responsible as well. So, as the other adults lined the children up and got them to the museum, I stayed and helped get my student into her chair. The problem was, none of those working with this student really knew where we were going, and when we looked up - everyone else was gone! We had gotten separated and they were no where in sight! We weren't being "bad" or disobedient, we were just busy! We were doing what we were supposed to be doing, but we got separated. The entrance to the museum was NOT where we parked and despite looking everywhere, we couldn't figure out how to get inside!

I left the other adults with my student and sprinted down the sidewalk, around the building, testing every door. Finally I found someone who could direct me to the entrance (on the OTHER side of the building) and I went back to get the rest. Once we got inside the museum, I found one of the other leaders. They had no idea we had been lost.

As this new year begins, even as believers, I know that we will find times when we feel "lost" - separated from the rest. We get busy and when we look up we wonder where everyone else has gone! I recently had a conversation with a friend where we asked, "What happened?" What happened to our passion? We looked at friends we'd served with years ago who had gone on to great things...and yet here we sat. We had been traveling together for so long, having fun - excited about the journey, but when we stopped, we got separated. We weren't bad. We didn't even decide to separate. We just got busy trying to survive and when we looked up, everyone else was gone! 

There are two groups in this picture...the ones who are lost, and the ones who moved on. At times, I think I've been both. As the "lost" person, I have to look up and realize I have gotten separated; but when I am the person who has moved on, I need to look around and realize, "Wait! We've left someone behind!"

This year...I want to be different. I want to look up. If I have gotten separated, I want to make the effort to catch up; and if I notice that someone is missing, I want to help find them. I want to act as that "sprinter" who can run ahead and find the way and then return to guide the others. I want to find the passion once again.

Luke 15 (MSG)

15 ^1-3 By this time a lot of men and women of doubtful reputation were hanging around Jesus, listening intently. The Pharisees and religion scholars were not pleased, not at all pleased. They growled, “He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends.” Their grumbling triggered this story.

^4-7 “Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

For the full message by Christine Caine, you can go to this link:  Christine Caine: A passionate life