Thursday, July 9, 2009

Want Versus Really Want

Today I learned the difference between what I want and what I "really want". Mind you, I thought I already understood this, but today something happened that put a new spin on things.

Today I got ready to go work out at the gym and climbed on the scale before putting on my running my horror, the number had climbed back up to a place I thought I had left behind. I have been working out everyday but still the scale is STUCK. The entire time I was working out, I kept thinking about that stupid number. It was mocking me with every sweaty step that I I had to give myself a good talking to.

Maybe you don't talk to yourself, but there are times when I find that the only person I will listen to is me. Maybe it's because I don't pull any punches when I talk to myself...I just tell it like it is. (Please don't call the funny farm on me....this will make sense, I promise.)

I had to ask myself what was it that I really wanted. I had to remind myself WHY I was going to the gym and pushing wasn't for some number on the scale but so that I could be healthy enough to enjoy life. I run so that I can later play with my children...and hopefully their children one day. I exercise because I of what I really want...that's where the random thought came in.

You see, I WANT to lose weight...and since everything that I am doing isn't getting me to that goal, it doesn't make sense to keep trying. I could pitch myself a two year old fit and just quit. It's not getting me what I want, so why do it? The answer is simple...I'm not doing it because it gets me what I want; I'm doing it because it gets me what I "really want" and need, and that is far more important.

What I WANT is to be thin...what I "really want" is to be healthy. What I WANT is chocolate and potato chips...what my body "really wants" is fresh fruit and vegetables. What I WANT is to be 15 years younger again...what I "really want" is to learn to love and appreciate the person I am right now. I can be easily tricked into thinking that what I crave is what I want...maybe that's because my two year old self screams out what it "wants" so loudly it's all I seem to hear. Fortunately, the "non two year old" me is a little more reasonable and works toward what I "really want".

For example, there are things that I do because what I "really want" is to be healthy. I recently started taking an Omega 3 supplement because I know it is good for me. Trust me, this is NOT something I want to begin with, whoever thought that adding strawberry flavored coating to the pill would help was crazy. Imagine eating strawberries dipped in tuna fish oil. Still, I take them because I know they are good for me...(plus the sooner I finish off this bottle, the sooner I can get some that don't taste so bad.)

The funny thing is, after a while of doing what I need to do to achieve the "really wants", I find that I WANT to do it as well. For example, after eating good foods for a while, I find that my body actually craves them more than chocolate. (I'm as shocked as you are.) Once I get my body used to exercising on a regular basis, I find that I actually miss lacing up my shoes and hitting the roads for a run. (I'm not sure I will ever "really want" to take those strawberry fish pills however.)

So as I drove down the road, still soaking wet from sweat from my workout, I reminded myself that while I may WANT a lot of things, it's the "really wants" in life that deserve my attention and determine my destiny. This is not something that I will be able to do on my own. I empathize with the writer of Romans:

Romans 7 (Message translation): I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

"Want" versus "Really Want"....the battle has begun.


Happy Feet 26.2 said...

Enjoyed the blog today. I want, I really want too, but........

Donna said...

Okay, if you read my blogs and want to read a "real" runner's blog...check out Happy Feet 26.2! I am in awe!