I did it my way....

I'm probably showing my age, but I can't hear the words "my way" without thinking of old blue eyes, Frank Sinatra. For those WAY too young to remember, he sang a song with these words:

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way


Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption


I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way


Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing


To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way

In researching for this blog, I discovered that this song is credited as being the most remade song in history. People from the likes of Elvis Presley to Sid Vicious have recorded it. Snips of the song can be heard on modern films like Happy Feet and a parody of this song was sung on Sesame Street! I even found out that this is the song most often played at British funerals.

So what is it about this song that gives it such a universal appeal? I think the answer is simple....we all want it our way. Even Burger King capitalized on this theme when they came out with the commercials "Have it your way..." To be honest, we sound like a bunch of spoiled two year olds! We all want to do things "our way."

Of course we think our way is best...that's why it's our way. But what would happen if for once we quit doing things our way? Look back at some of the words of that song:
"Regrets I've had a few, But then again too few to mention"
Really? I know I've had mistakes, but the too few to mention part? Gee, I must be above average in that part because I've got a truck load of them!
"Yes there were times I'm sure you knew, When I bit off more than I could chew, But through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out,"
I'm pretty sure that the things I bit off that were too big for me eventually bit back!
And finally, the most telling verse of all:
"To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way"
The last stansa reveals the problem. We don't want to kneel....not even to the One who created us and knows the end from the beginning. We are a proud people, and I don't necessarily mean that in a good way. This is the pride that caused Lucifer to fall from heaven...the pride that says "I'll do it my way."

Maybe it's time to stop doing things our way. Look around. As I often ask my students, "So how's that working out for you..." It's obvious, our way hasn't been working out for us so well. Maybe it's time to kneel, admit we don't know the answers to everything and start doing things God's way. What would our today look like if we did this? Imagine what tomorrow could be if instead of striving, we finally learned to rest in His will and do things His way. I'm guessing this won't be easy for some of us, but I hope that one day I will be able to say:

And now the end is near, And so I face the final curtain. My friend I'll say it clear, I'll state my case of which I'm certain....I did it His way."

"I am God, the only God you've had or ever will have— incomparable, irreplaceable—From the very beginning telling you what the ending will be," Isaiah 46:10

Bad mood kind of day

The truth of the matter was I was in no mood to be in a good mood. Do you ever have days like this? I started out the day somewhat stressed and by 10 a.m. I was in full-tilt, bad-mood mode. Perhaps it had to do with the huge load of work I saw towering over me. Maybe it was the jam packed schedule that was taunting me for the next few days. It could have even been that my students were all wired for sound and it felt a bit like I was trying to herd bees. Really, I'm not sure there was a good reason why; I was just in a bad mood.
Then someone came to my room to chat. Poor person. I know they came for a shoulder of sympathy and a word of encouragement, but instead they got me. Not just me, but me in my full tilt "You've got to be kidding" sarcastic glory. They came to find a cool drink of water to go on and got a taste of some pretty rancid liquid instead.
In case you're wondering, yes, I feel pretty guilty. Oh, I've tried to reason my way out of it. I even looked in the Bible to see if Jesus ever got fed up with those around Him. I kind of think perhaps He did. Check out Matthew 17:17-18 [Message translation] - "Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." He ordered the afflicting demon out—and it was out, gone. From that moment on the boy was well." Still I'm left with the problem of knowing I'm not Jesus and that when the disciples left they had actually gotten what they came for...the boy was healed. I'm pretty sure my friends just left with a bad taste in their mouths.
The fact is, I really don't have an excuse. I am called to live for Christ. Out of me there should be flowing rivers of living water, not some foul stench filled mess. Even if I think I'm having a bad day, that's no reason to let the stream become polluted with my dead attitude.
Did Jesus get aggravated with those who came to Him...the ones who should have known better? Maybe...but He didn't turn them away. He simply helped them and pointed them in the right direction: "When the disciples had Jesus off to themselves, they asked, "Why couldn't we throw it out?" "Because you're not yet taking God seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle."
Do I seriously believe that God has a purpose for me, that He has a plan and somehow my day fits into that plan? If so, then I need to say to my mountain of bad attitude, "MOVE! Stop stinking up the water!"
To be honest, my mood isn't much better this morning....but that's no excuse. I may need to do as Jesus did and get away to pray. I may need to take out the garbage of the day that as piled up in my spirit. I may need to get my eyes off myself! I may even need to ask forgiveness....but I can't allow the rivers of living water to be blocked by me.
The words to "in the Middle of Me" by Todd Agnew pretty well sum it up:

I need a little more sunshine in the middle of rain
Need a little more joy in the middle of pain
Need a little more color in the middle of this plain jane


I’ve looked as deep as I can see
And I think I need a little more You in the middle of me


I need a little more patience in the middle of stress
I need a little more beauty in the middle of this mess
Need a little more substance in the middle of this emptiness


I’ve looked as deep as I can see
And I think I need a little more You in the middle of me


Need more of You and less of me
More of You and little less insanity
More of You and little less complexity


I’ve looked as deep as I can see
It seems more of You is better for me


I need a little more rhythm in the middle of this lazy rhyme
Need a little more spontaneity in the middle of this daily grind
Need a little more truth not music in this world of lies


I’ve looked as deep as I can see
And I think I need a little more You in the middle of me

Here's to trying to make today a better day....no matter what may come my way.

John 7:38 (Amplified Bible)

"He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water."

FIX IT!

Today I read a devotion by Os Hillman that has really got me to thinking. In it he tells this story: "A story is told of a western missionary group that was sitting with a foreign visitor planning strategy for an upcoming evangelistic trip to his country. One man led in prayer, asking for God's help in planning their activities. The visitor was surprised how the meeting quickly moved to the planning phase after only a few minutes of focused prayer.
He turned to the leader and said, "You have taught us the scriptures well in our country. However, I've noticed when it comes to prayer you spend so little time in prayer listening and much time in planning." The western believers were convicted by his words."

I am stunned by this story...stunned by my own life. I have to ask myself, "How often have a pleaded in prayer? How often have I worried? How often have I tried to figure a way out of this current situation? .....How often have I just waited and listened for His voice?"

I am a "fixer". I don't like to sit and wait, I want to "FIX IT!" One of my favorite skits from Saturday Night Live is the one where the guy just yells FIX IT! No real plan, just wants it FIXED! Step one - FIX, Step two - IT, Step three - FIX IT! The thing is, I have no idea how to fix it or even where to begin.

To be honest, I'm not sure I even know how to sit still long enough to hear His voice....I want to give a quick prayer asking for a quick fix and move on about my business. But if I'm supposed to be living like Jesus, then I'm supposed to be about my Father's business, not mine.

Today, will I be able to sit long enough to listen to how God wants to Fix it? Or more telling...will I be able to sit and listen long enough for God to "Fix" me?

Just for fun, I've added this clip from Saturday Night Live. Now FIX IT!!!! http://new.schoolnotes.com/files/dsumrall/Fixit_c.mov

looking for a word of comfort and got an uncomfortable word

If you read yesterday's blog you know I went to a race today determined to "leave it all on the field" so to speak. Well, I didn't leave it ALL on the field, but I almost left my breakfast at a couple of the hills. I'd love to brag and say I ran a good race, but the truth is I did not. I was passed by quite a few people, including one who was walking the course!
As a matter of fact, some of those who passed me I knew for a fact had only been running a few months! I was so mad at myself and I looked to God for some comfort. You know what I mean...I wanted to feel that encouragement that comes when you remember a verse or two that helps lift you up. Instead, I kept remembering the story of Cain and Abel from Genesis 4. In case you don't have your Bible handy, here's the text: Abel was a herdsman and Cain a farmer. 3-5 Time passed. Cain brought an offering to God from the produce of his farm. Abel also brought an offering, but from the firstborn animals of his herd, choice cuts of meat. God liked Abel and his offering, but Cain and his offering didn't get his approval. Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk. 6-7 God spoke to Cain: "Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won't you be accepted? And if you don't do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it's out to get you, you've got to master it."
Okay, I wanted an "It's okay, you did your best..." and what I got was a "Don't go pouting because they worked harder than you!"
The truth is, I haven't been putting the work into my running like I once did. Those who passed me, some had only just started running, but they were faithfully training. They were prepared for the race. I simply was not. I could try to find excuses, but it really boils down to the fact that I just had not done the work necessary to do well in this race. When they were training, I was complaining...too hot, too tired, too busy.
I find I do this in life as well. People who have been Christians less time than me, or who are younger than me - it's tempting to sulk and cry out that they seem to be walking more in faith than me...that they seem to have an excitement about the things of God that has grown cold inside me. I can almost hear God saying to me, "Why the sulking? If you do well, won't you be accepted?"
I'm not saying anything about salvation by works by the way. What I'm talking about is realizing that as long as I'm on this earth, I've got to be training. It's easy to let my Bible study slide because of a heavy work load. It's easy to not take the time for prayer and praise because I'm tired. Yes, I can do that and I'll get pretty much the same kind of result I got in today's race - pitiful. Or, I can prepare so that when the races come, I am ready to run.
So now what? Well, I guess I can keep making excuses and finding reasons NOT to train. I can quit running races....neither of these sound like an option I really want. Instead, I think I'll take to heart the second part of that verse: "Why the sulking? If you do well, won't you be accepted? And if you don't do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it's out to get you, you've got to master it."
I can keep making excuses and hope to get a "that's okay", or I can do well and find the victory I'm looking for. I may have been looking for a word of comfort, but I got an uncomfortable word....and that may make the difference in the future.

I love a sappy movie

I admit it. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, for a feel good story that makes me tear up and believe in something more. I want to be inspired. I think most of us do.
Tonight I sat down and looked for something to watch on tv before going to bed and Facing the Giants was on. I just happened to turn it on at the part where Brock is carrying the kid on his back to what he thinks is the 50 yard line. Those who've seen the movie know he doesn't just make it to the 50....he makes it all the way to the end zone. He'd not only done what he thought he could do....he'd done more than he ever thought he could.
I remember the first time I saw this movie...it was the night before a race and the next day as I ran, I thought about that scene over and over again. I was determined to leave nothing on the field but to give it all I had. I ran one of my fastest times that day....faster than I'd ever imagined I would run and it felt good!
Funny thing is, I have a race tomorrow, too. I know that physically it is in me to run, but my mind doesn't always believe. It quits long before my legs give out....and I wonder how many of life's other races I've quit in because I don't think I have it in me.
It occurs to me that God never calls us to do more than we can...simply more than we think we can. When we are weak, then He is strong. We are surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses yelling for us and cheering and telling us we can go on...we just have to keep going on.
Yes, it's a sappy movie, but I like sappy movies. I like to be inspired. I like to be reminded that greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world. I like to be encouraged to give it everything I've got and leave nothing on the field.
Don't know if I'll run fast in tomorrow's race, but I will give it all I've got. God hasn't called me to do anything more than I can....simply more than I think I can. And if it takes a sappy movie to remind me of that, that's not such a bad thing.


He saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our own accomplishments, but according to his own purpose and the grace that was given to us in the Messiah Jesus before time began. 2 Tim. 1:9

It's not just my pants that don't fit.

Ever have one of those days when you get up and nothing fits? I'm not talking about just your clothes, but it's almost as if LIFE doesn't fit anymore. Nothing is comfortable, and you have no idea what has happened. Of course we can blame it on lots of things...stress, lack of time, lack of motivation, too much to do, lack of support, etc...pretty much what we blame when our clothes don't fit, but we know it's something more.
Lately, I've been hearing this phrase pop up in conversations more and more..."just don't fit." I heard it from my daughter as I watched her try to find her "place" at school, from a friend as she talked about how her daughter tried but just couldn't seem to "fit" with their youth group, and then I heard it from another friend about her daughter. Each girl is very different, yet if you looked at them you'd think they would 'fit' in anywhere. They have lots of friends, people who love them, etc, but they each feel as if they don't fit. Then it hit me....I had heard this same phrase in conversations with adult women about themselves! They were uncomfortably admitting that they just didn't feel like they fit in.
Wow. I can understand why teenage girls feel that way sometimes, after all - they are in high school (a place I truly wish I could somehow fast-forward my own children through!) But to hear my adult women friends say this too, well, it got me thinking. Evidently it's not just our daughters that feel like things just don't fit. So I sat and tried to figure out what is wrong.
I know that in today's society we are going in such a rush that we have little time to feel connected. We are all like a bunch of spinning tops, occasionally bumping into each other but rarely if ever truly connecting. It reminds me of my son's Beyblades. You wind them up as fast as you possibly can and then pull the zip cord to watch them bump furiously into each other and then back into the boundries around them. Eventually they run out of spin and fall helpless to the floor. I know I've felt a lot like I was spinning lately!
It also reminded me of something I realized during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, five years ago. While that hurricane brought huge devastation, it also forced us all to stop for a while...and to be honest - it was good. Before the hurricane we were all on treadmills going as fast as we possibly could go. While we might have thought about stepping off, we couldn't without falling flat on our faces. Have you ever tried to "step off" a treadmill at top speed? Plus, if we had - it would have done no good because the rest of the world was still on their treadmills! But when the hurricane came, it "unplugged" all the treadmills. We all stopped. Neighbors renewed friendships with neighbors, families spent time with families, we all spent time just being for a while. True, it was tough. We were in survival mode, but somehow we came through it stronger. Then someone turned the treadmills back on and we all started running again....side by side, but at a pace that didn't allow for conversation or friendships.
So, perhaps it is the pace of life that causes us to feel like we don't fit in...but I think it's really something more. I think, perhaps, it is a holy discontent within...that feeling that something is missing. We point a finger outward and try to figure out why we don't fit in our school, church, etc. just like when the clothes in my closet no longer fit I try to blame stress, age, even the washing machine (which must have shrunk them) but really it's just me. The problem isn't out there; it's inside me!
I heard it said that men find their identity in what they do, but women find theirs in being appreciated and accepted for who they are. We want to feel loved for who we are...it doesn't matter if you are the head cheerleader or the artist or the athlete or the girl named most likely to succeed, or the girl who thinks she really doesn't have a niche. We want to feel special just for who we are. Deep inside, all of us feel like we don't fit until we find our acceptance in Christ. I'm not talking about salvation....it's more than that. It is a sold out discipleship. A holy discontent with life that drives us to Christ to find our place in Him. It's that look from our Heavenly Father that let's us know we are special to Him. To borrow the words from a song by Jason Gray, it's got to be, " More like falling in love than something to believe in; More like losing my heart than giving my allegiance; Caught up, called out - come take a look at me now..."
So what's the point? The point is I think we're all pretty much in the same boat. We all have times we feel like we just don't fit but we never say it cause we feel like we're the only ones....but we're not. The woman next to you in the church pew or serving with you on the PTA or in line next to you in the grocery store - they probably all feel just like you. Why, I bet even those fancy movie stars and models feel that way! We are all just like those teenage girls in high school feeling like we just don't fit - that is until we find our place, our approval, our fit in Christ. Then maybe, just maybe, we realize we're all feeling the same way long enough to stop spinning and help each other find the way.
We're all in this together....know that at least one other person is truly praying that you find where you fit in Christ and the contentment of knowing your truly "belong". While I'm at it, I'll throw in a prayer that all your clothes fit a little better too - even your skinny jeans! Of course, that would take a miracle!
Never ended a blog this way, but I love you guys....we're all in this together. {hugs to all}

Is God a Liar?

I almost titled this blog, "God is a liar", but I didn't want to give those who know me a heart attack.

This has been a week filled with reminders that God can be trusted...He never lies.

I have a facebook friend who recently asked the question, "Can God lie?" and it got me thinking. I mean, I immediately knew the answer, but when I started to write my response, I realized I didn't act as if I did. While I know that God cannot lie, I find myself worrying about things and lying awake at night trying to figure out how to make life what I think it should be....in essence, I'm calling God a liar and not taking Him at His Word. If I were, I'd be sleeping like a baby instead of tossing and turning trying to figure out how we are going to make ends meet or what tomorrow will hold. See what I mean?

A quote by Max Lucado caught my attention this week. He said, "Our problem is not so much that God doesn’t give us what we hope for as it is that we don’t know the right thing for which to hope." I can really identify with this. I remember times in my life when I have been disappointed with God. While part of me wanted to believe in His promises, a bigger part of me wanted to pitch a two-year-old fit. Now, if you've never been around a two-year-old perhaps this is a foreign concept to you, but for all of us who have ever dealt with a two-year-old who was not getting what they wanted, the picture is pretty clear. They will pout, scream, bargain, yell, plead.....pretty much anything to get their way. If you dare to act as if you know what is best for them...well, let's just say earplugs and a strong will come in very handy in times like that.

I can say this, because I remember very well a time in my life when I was disappointed with God. Tragedy had struck and to be honest, it just wasn't fair! I was being good and others weren't and yet somehow they were being allowed to hurt me! I did all the predictable 2 year old things....I bargained, pleaded, cried...I even shook my fist at God and told Him if that was who He was, I chose not to serve him. Now if I had been God, a lightning bolt would have made an appearance to straighten this little 2-year-old out! (Good thing I'm not God!) Instead, the very next day God poured out His love on me in such a real way that I knew....I had no idea who He was or how much He loved me. God wasn't unfair, He was simply my Father and He knew what I needed far more than I did. The situation didn't change, by the way, but I did.

So back to the question. Is God a liar? We know, of course, that the answer is no. So why do I act as if He is?My problem seems to come from either my two-year-old self that has placed my hope in the wrong thing, or in the fact that I am rehearsing the problems instead of His promises. It's easy for me to lie in bed and think about the bills or the plumbing or what tomorrow will bring. To lie there and think about His promises takes a bit more discipline on my part. First of all, I've got to know what His promises are and then focus on them! I also have to rehearse in my mind all the times I've seen God be faithful in the past - times He was faithful even when I was faithless. I have to remind myself that God does not lie. I also have to trust that God doesn't really need my help to figure all this out. He knows what tomorrow will bring.

This week, I also had a friend share something with me that resonated in my soul. She said something along the lines of "God has a plan for you that's good....so if it's not good yet, He's not finished." The cake is still baking, the picture is still developing, the quilt is still being sewn..... He's not finished yet.

A song by Josh Wilson called "Before the Morning" came on the radio the other day and pretty much had me in tears before I got to where I was going. It answers the question so much better than I ever could:

"Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good for those who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture"....

The message has been coming to me over and over this week, so, I guess it's time for this two year old to start acting like I believe what I say I believe. It's time to trust God. Care to join me in the adventure?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19